Really, I shouldn't have been surprised. An all-woman council making
plenty of plans, absolutely none of them having anything at all to do
with making a halfway suitable declaration of war. I could say I
expected better, but I'd be lying. Allow me to first lay out one rule.

The bedroom is off-limits. Seriously. People think I'm strange, some of
the things people do in there makes me look like an upstanding
bureaucrat. We do not touch the bedroom.

That aside, we shall move on to the further points of contention.

I see a lot of talk about actions that supposedly will take place, such
as donations. You say this like you have money, which granted the
current situation of no woman in the kitchen and therefore OPEN GENDER
WARFARE, is not likely. There's even a self-degrading mention about
women who are senseless. Really, there's no need to talk about yourself
like that.

As for the aversion to bathing, my understanding is that the one you've
had the most contact to base all of these things off of are based on the
one man you have a large amount of experience with. I speak, of course,
of Tiax. Tiax loves shiny shoes, and Tiax is a troll. I can guarantee
you that Tiax's shiny shoes breed maggots. Yes, your love of shoes
breeds maggots, and is therefore unhealthy.

As for your bit of advice, I suppose a few things can be said of dogs
that can't be said of the CIJ women. They fetch when you tell them to,
they speak only when spoken to, they're loyal, and they don't go out and
compulsively buy clothes. But, perhaps the biggest advantage a dog might
have over a woman is that when the dog farts, he doesn't try to blame it
on anyone else.

I don't think we're asking for much. The men of the CIJ expect nothing
more than a nice meal after ratting all day to fund your habits of
clothes, tea parties, decorating with sissy pillows, what have you. But
if you can go beyond the need to Purchase More Shoes and learn to simply
say Pardon My Ignorance, I'm sure we can all Party Most Spendidly.

This all, of course, hinges on your ability to Pound More Steaks. Chop
chop, we're hungry!

-Kuntar Semshan, MAN

Penned by my hand on the 22nd of Lupar, in the year 472 AF.