Dearest Sapience,

A long time has occured since my pen has written a scroll for this
board. For long have I thought and reflected on the situations that
occur daily, internal and external, city, guild, individual.

Recently, I have engaged in conversation with Kiyosa Natomo, Aldair
d'Vast, and even The Lady Valnurana. Every individual carries his and
her own wisdom. Wisdom they have gleaned in life from experiences and
journies, knowledge wrought from books and tomes. These three, two
mortals, and a Divine, carried a special wisdom that gained my
attention.

Long have I known the value of Dreams, and the visions which come
through them. Long have I spoken with an Oracle and through the Oracle,
seen what may lie ahead. I have held friendships and alliances, and
though some of these bring physical assistance, only those that bring
internal wisdom mean the most.

Today, I engaged in conversation with all of these people, and others. A
realization gnawed at me and sat as if a small child speaking her mind.
The voice sat astride my shoulder and continued to berate me with
questions, questions my own mind had not forced me to ask in a long
time.

Many years ago, then the Garden was troubled and mortals saw danger
admist us, my own mind grew tampered. I saw my Father lose Himself, I
even came drastically close to appointing a certain Deity, one who I am
opposed to in heart and soul, as a City Patron due to this sickness
which ailed the populace of our realm.

When Varian Himself did finally make His presence known, also did our
own Gods and Goddesses, people we prayed to daily, begin to disappear. A
troubled gathering met, and enemies became temporary allies. A ritual
enacted inside the heart of Shallam, attended by many, did not seem to
work.

However, at the end of this ritual, an Oracle was heralded. Her voice
announced the end of a dreamscape for her and her order, and thus Varian
escaped into our realm. His presence known, we became toys and
playthings.

Desperately did Shallam fight to keep the first chest closed. We stood
by The Great Mhunna and tried to ward off those who would seek his
demise. I died in that battle and spent time in the Halls of Sarapis,
and even speaking to our Creator Himself. My life was before me, and I
chose to enter it again.
I did indeed enter it, though in hindsight it would seem my mind was
clouded and disrupted. I knew what I did, though perhaps should not have
done. I remember the vague numbess which washed my body as I saw the
flames of the Chrysalis Basilica, a massive building of its own beauty,
reduced to cinders, a point of which it still resides today.

I recall someone mentioning another chest, and I recall the cries of
citizens as their voices were heard, our Gods were fading. Something
kidnapped Lady Gaia..Pentharian Himself had faded. Lord Twilight was
gone. Night and Day seemed eternal, temperature was unstoppable. An
unending blizzard ravashed the entire world.

I also recall thinking, in my mind, that the chest may be our only hope.
Once was the chest opened, in the hope of destruction. Perhaps if we
opened it, it would be to return Lady Gaia and Lord Twilight to us, to
the people who needed Them.

This I thought, as I enacted a power of faith and pilgrimaged from
Shallam, to my sister, Aldair. This was my thought as the milisecond
passed before my body was incinerated and once more I was sent to the
Halls of Sarapis, as I contemplated what had happened. A trick, a trap,
or merely what was foretold coming to pass, I knew not. I was dead, and
speaking with the Creator. He again took His payment, and offered my
return to life.

Once more, I entered from the mystical cave, and once more did a numbess
wash my soul with icy realization. An entire City, burned. Uncountable
bodies fallen. In my haze, I knew not what to do. People from across the
world rushed to help put out fires, to try to save those who could not
be saved.

By some miracle of life, those who died were offered new salvation, and
returned. Their memories however, etched with a burning sensation of
their death, never to be forgotten.

Days, weeks, months, passed. People cried for the head of Charlotte,
they cried that an outrage had occured. Numbly I tried to hold Shallam
together, both internally, and externally. Hashan claimed tyranny of
Tasur'Ke, though both Hashan and I know that wasn't the case. Never once
did anyone except Hashan claim to own Tasur'Ke. They felt it was within
valid right to kill those citizens of that Village, and I, along with
many other Churchmembers, were there to protect, as was our sworn duty.

Hashan claimed unprecedented fury, when Charlotte was appointed to a
Ministry position. Perhaps this is a case, but never should any city
sacrifice its own internal well-being, for political agenda. When you
consider who is the best for the position, who has the ability, the
skill, and the knowledge necessary, you do not sit and contemplate if
everyone else in the world will appreciate or resent this choice.
For those two things, I offer no apology. For those, I am proud of what
I did, and would do it again.

However, as with all life, there are also things I am not proud of.
Though my intentions in opening the chest, were honourable, it is not
the intent which makes the person, but the result.
For even considering the opening of the chest, now that, I am sorry for.
For the result of that did destroy the lives of many. It did incur
monetary loss for a city, and create an emotional pain which will never
be lost. For those things, I do apologize.

Though, that was not the extent of life. Life always moves on. There
will always be things which happen, which make people proud, and make
people overcome with grief.

When Niggurath branded me an enemy for merely being in a room, my mind
was infuriated. His exact reasoning was my being in a room. Nothing
more, nothing less. I persued Niggurath through Hashan, through the
Darkenwood, and repeated this chase, back and forth we went, until
finally he stopped. Anyone who is sensible knows that someone who is
being chased, does not stop unless there is a reason. I did not ponder
that reason, until I ventured into the Crossroads of Hashan and
encountered a large number of people. All ready as my body was destroyed
and once more set to the Halls of Sarapis.

As before, I saw my life, and I saw The Logos. Through His wisdom and
benevolence was I returned to life. My mind a blur, I recalled who had
just attacked me. I began to seek out names and as they formed, I bid my
angel to locate them. Most were still in that group. However, I seeked
out Catlynne, who was with only one other. Without thought, nor
consideration, I flew into Hashan and attacked her. Only when she was
dead did I leave.

For this, I apologize not to Hashan, but to Catlynne. In defense of her
city, she slew me. In ignorance and anger did I return the favor. I cost
her not only her life, but whatever God she may follow essence. Her
friends pain, and her own soul a cost which I cannot repair.

Despite the claims of Niggurath and Kryvar, Drakul and others, Catlynne
was the only one I killed that day. I did attempt a prism at Calla,
another of those who defended her city, but no, I did not kill any
others. I did not commit a massacre of innocents whos names span two
parchment lengths, nor did I seek that day to 'have fun' within that
city.

Only once more did I kill someone in relation to this entire incident. I
had noticed Catranna within the Shallam sewers, as part of an invasion
force of Hashanites. Without my usual questions, I located her within
the forests one day, and slew her. It was some time later that I finally
convinced her to speak with me in Lord Oneiros' Temple, in Shastaan, but
I did speak. I asked her questions, and the answers I received were more
than frightening. I realized that despite her presence, not once did
Catranna attack a Shallamese. Acknowledging my mistake, I let her slay
me in return.

For slaying Catranna, I do apologize. Once more, I acted not as I was
taught, since Loom Island, but as an anger-filled woman. A woman who did
not contemplate the results of her actions. I caused a pain on Catranna,
and her friends. I even created a rift between certain people, which
took some time to seal. Those are the things which I apologize for.

This post can in no way make amends for the actions which I did
apologize for, the opening of the chest, the subsequent havok upon
Hashan, the deaths incurred to Catlynne and Catranna. It can, however,
serve as this. An apology.

It was when I spoke with those three women earlier, that I realized my
own mind had been hiding this necessity from myself for a long time. It
took the words of others, to make me see my own mistakes. Though I never
did, nor ever will care what others think of me, I owed it to myself, my
city, and the realm as a whole, to apologize from the essence of my very
soul for actions which can never be forgiven.

In closing, I offer only this. To the Crown of the Ithmia, Hashan, you
have my condolences, however small this may seem. To The Jewel of the
East, Shallam, you have my apologies for creating this entire incident.
To Lady Valnurana, You, m'Lady, hold only my deepest respect for
allowing me to see what my own eyes did hide.

To Lord Pentharian, You have my apology, for as I was a member of Your
Order, when it did exist, I should have done this long ago.

Blessed be, Sapience
Dresden La'Seir

Penned by my hand on the 22nd of Phaestian, in the year 293 AF.