What does it mean to become Evil, or Good?
What makes one see one side in such a glamorous light, while despising
the other with every fibre of their soul?
Why can this undying devotion to one side suddenly shift, leaving a once
Good person embracing the very ideals they put thier life on the line
trying to erase?
To be honest with you, I didn't much care, and I am sure 90 percent of
you don't either.
I was walking the sleeping streets of Ashtan, surrounded by shadows, and
silence. The night sky was lit with a ferocity I never noticed. The slow
comsic dance twinkled upon my body, and I embraced the penetrating lunar
energies deep within. The moon was waxing full, and my blood seemed to
emit a radiance of exitement. I sat down against a nearby building as my
mind began to drift into previous battles, and arguments I have had with
many people. I felt the uplifting strength of anger, which then turned
into a sudden rush of adrenaline. I stood up slowly, letting the
strength extend to my inner-most core. I closed my eyes, and focused my
hate, cherishing it's sweet embrace. I felt powerful. I felt immortal. I
sprinted my way to the gates of the city, and began to focus on a target
that had previously attempted to take this power away from me.....
To my sincere delight, his signature radiated from a nearby location to
the city. I silently shadowed him, and let the surge of vengeance build
within. How oblivious this fool was to his situation. He laughed with a
friend as they spoke of a rite that was held earlier in the evening.
Pathetic. Pathetic and shackled was this man, for his existance
consisted of kneeling, and groveling before those more powerful than he.
He found his existance in killing people like me.... people that
despised the Light with a passion not known to most. His fear of my
power was the excuse an entire Religion was built upon, and how dare he
try and silence this power?
He was still smiling when I stabbed him twice with an envenomed dagger.
He turned around, and I again delivered another double stab. The venoms
worked together to keep him completely motionless. I turned to his
friend who stepped back and I lashed out at him with my whip to bring
him within my grasp. I sank my fangs into his neck and let loose a
deadly venom. He screamed in pain, and brought his swords upon me,
cutting me badly. The inner-machine exploded, and I rapidly bit him,
again, and again....
He crumpled from me, a useless heap of tissue. Niether men moving, I
spit upon them. They couldn't even close thier eyes to keep my spittle
from stinging thier sight. I looked upon these vile threats with a
sincere hatred, and I pulled two vials from my pack, and dipped my
dagger in each. I stood above the first man, and ever so slightly broke
the skin with the razor sharp edge of my dirk. Time slowed as I watched
the venom mingle with the droplets of blood, and I took a step back,
awaiting the inevitable.
I turned the other man around, so he could see his companion die this
slow, and painful death. Blood began flowing freely from his nose, and
his very eyes turned blood red. I could feel the pain this man was
enduring, and I bathed in its pleasure. Unable to move, yet wracked with
an excruciating pain. I looked into his eyes, and asked him where his
faith was now. What Holy being was going to end this honourable man's
suffering? It eventually came in the form of darkness, as I watched his
spirit leave his body, and I chopped away at his head like a wooden log
until it rolled away from his bloodied corpse. I looked to his
companion, and sat him up like a macabre puppet. I put the edge of my
dirk to his throat, and violently slit him, letting the spraying blood
drip down my face like red rain. I then proceeded to slit his throat 6
more times, letting his life spray out from his neck. Again I took his
head when his spirit left his body, and I knew thier suffering was over.
I exhaled....
As rationality slowly overcame me, I left the area, and returned back to
Ashtan. Another day in the chaotic structure fate had planned for me.
Exhausted, I went to the docks, and fell asleep near the water.

I dreamt.... The air was filled with a familiar tone of harmony, and
colors. Before me was a translucent colored sphere in which winged women
flew around. They tried in vain to pass through the boundry of this
sphere. Trapped, they still radiated happiness, and peace. I put my hand
against this sphere, and suddenly I found myself inside with one of
these creatures. She looked down upon me, and smiled. I smiled. I was
home. The familiar feeling of harmony enveloped me, and for the first
time since I could remember, I was content. The angel looked upon me
with an unjudging glance, and without her speaking, I felt her say,
'Don't you see the light in you?'
I awoke at once, the sounds of commerce, and busy sailors filled the
air. Seagulls were hard at work trying to find their breakfast, and the
undying cycle of the day had again begun. The thing was, I didn;t feel
the same. This dream deeply troubled me, and I was confused. As I slowly
awoke, the memories of the dream rescinded, and I began to plot my day.
Then, I felt the telepathic message of a citymate asking us to form a
mob at the gates, so that we may unleash our chaotic fury upon a few
hapless Shallamese citizens. I asked what they did to deserve such
punishment, and the reply was, 'They deserve it. They helped to kill a
citymate who killed a churchmember.' I immediately felt the twinge of
guilt, and the memories of the previous night's dream fell upon me. I
began to walk towards the gate, and passed the Orphanage. I watched a
citizen lead a giggling child into the dark building. I had always known
what went on in this building, and understood that it was necessary to
persue advancements in science. I found myself picturing this innocent
child splayed open upon a table, with dark men extracting organs from
her deceased corpse. This child was robbed of any future they might have
had. If they cared so little about an innocent child that has done no
wrong, then why would they hesitate to kill me?
The answer was because I helped to defend such actions, and thus was
'granted' friendship. I thought about the 3 people that my citymates
were about to destroy, only because they wished to see such horrors
stopped.
I fell to the ground. I vomited as I remembered the vile way of which I
killed my enemies the night before. I became sick with guilt as I
realized the only thing I was doing was helping a city that would kill
innocent children rise to greater power. The whole time I perceived
Shallam's citizens slaves to religious chains, I was nothing more than a
slave to an organization that would commit vile crimes against the very
life that I too possessed.
I now find myself a member of the devout, and I have grown spirtually,
and morally since I forsake my ways of evil. Am I a better person? To
me, yes... To others? Not all. Fortunately, I possess the self-respect
to cherish my own personal feelings above others, and this is truly a
rare gift that very few embrace.
Does this conversion from evil to good answer *my* opening questions?
Indeed they do. But it is a process that one must undergo personally to
understand. I do not ask for understanding, nor do I ask for any
forgiveness from any member of Ashtan, or the Legion of the Damned. I
only ask that you silly bastards stop whining when the consequences of
your actions finally catch up with you. It only makes you appear to deny
your evil heritage, and further demonstrates to the land your ignorance
of grasping the concept you have willingly embraced.

I now find myself a member of the devout, and I have grown spirtually,
and morally since I forsake my ways of evil. Am I a better person? To
me, yes... To others? Not all. Fortunately, I possess the self-respect
to cherish my own personal feelings above others, and this is truly a
rare gift that very few embrace.

Penned by my hand on the 6th of Scarlatan, in the year 281 AF.