---This post will likely turn into a very long and convoluted missive regarding recent occurences within the Iron Citadel, and within the Order of Twilight. Any whom are not concerned with these events, are encouraged to move on, with my apologies for the taking of the public space.---


I don't even know what to feel about all of this, anymore. The loss of my position within the Iron Citadel has brought me to the realization that the Iron Citadel, and its Honor and Integrity, were the most important things in the world to me, and without them, I am nothing.

To those Infernals who were involved in the alleged conspiracy of which I stand accused of being a part: You have all been amongst the most dearly loved and devoted of my friends and allies for the better part of my life, and I dearly want to believe that you did what you did with the best of intentions in your hearts. In fact, as I write this, I think I can honestly say that I *DO* believe that you had the best interests of the Iron Citadel at heart, with the possible exception of one of you, who has responded to this situation with an outburst of rage that I would have previously thought you incapable of.

To Lord Twilight: When first You invited me to join your ranks, I was flattered. In fact, to this day, I still feel honoured to have recieved Your attention. But alas, I realized too late that Your ways are in direct conflict with my most deeply held personal beliefs. No matter how badly I might wish to please You, or gain Your favour (figuratively), I can never, in the deepest recesses of my heart, devote myself to the accquisition of power, at any cost. I would rather fall on my own sword with Honour, than become the most powerful mortal in the realm by means of deceit or treachery. This is intended not as a slight towards Your methods, but rather as recognition that these means are not the ones which are right for me. Additionally, I must offer something which might mean little to You, but is something so valuable to me, that I don't believe I've ever offered it before to anyone, mortal or Immortal -- I must offer my thanks for Your mercy, in allowing me to go my own way in peace, at last. I hope

To Ekary Lucoster, the Sinistar: I have been proud to call you Master, and to make the first loyalty of my heart to you, both as my Master, and later, as my father. In all of the realms that I have traveled, you have been the one man, mortal or otherwise, that I have been forever proud to serve. And though I do not doubt that your personal feelings towards me have been forever altered by this incident, my affection for, and loyalty towards you have not faltered.

Though it was the proud Ideals of the Iron Citadel which first brought me to your doorstep, it was meeting *you* which convinced me that the Iron Citadel was the place that I belonged. I have sought, with my very life, to emulate the Honour, blunt sincerity, and integrity which you represented as my Master, and that you have inspired in me, as my father.

But sir... something has happened. And the fault is mine for not speaking with you privately of it, sooner. While I have not actively participated in any designs against you, I am just as guilty, for not speaking sooner, and thus preventing this impasse that we all now find ourselves at. Somehow, at some point in time, the Iron Citadel became distracted by the wars and actions of men, and began to focus more on those, and less upon the Higher Ideals to which we were once so firmly committed.

It is my belief that the majority of the persons involved the alleged conspiracy honestly desired to better the Iron Citadel and return its focus to these Higher Ideals with their actions. And while I cannot agree with the course of action that they chose, I cannot find much fault with their motives, either... at least not based upon the little bit of information which is currently available to me. In short, I can condemn their alleged decisions, but not their alleged feelings. I believe that they chose to act in secret, rather than in the open air, as a result of some form of intimidation (however unintended it might have been) which made them fear to speak to you personally of their concerns.

By Phaestus... at this point, I don't even know if these beliefs are based upon logical reasoning, or some deep refusal to believe that all of these people whom I have so loved and trusted have been wrong, or untrue. How can so many good intentions have gone so horribly awry? How can people who so badly wished to simply do what they felt was right, have arrived at a turn of events which is so wrong, for nearly all involved?

And what am I to do, now, when all that was ever dear to me is now scattered to the four winds? What I would give, if I only I knew.... What I would give...

I suppose I must do as my father and friends have done, and simply follow my heart, and hope that it leads me not astray.

With that in mind, I make the following statements from my heart, as best I know how.

My friends, I believe you have erred, as I did, myself, to believe that the Ideals of the Iron Citadel and the Ideals of the Order of Darkness can co-exist in any one man or woman. I would ask you to decide which holds your true loyalty, and act accordingly, one way or the other.

My father, I believe that you have made some mistakes, as well. I beg you to focus your heart and mind on returning the Iron Citadel to the Ideals which I *know* you hold so dear, and thus return the Iron Citadel to the proud reputation which you worked so hard to build for it. In the past, you asked for my council, and I failed you by recommending that you should relax the Code of Honour to enable us to battle the deck which is so harshly stacked against us. I was wrong to council this, father, and I beg you correct the mistake that I helped to make. The Gods may never allow you to succeed (and I doubt They ever will), but I beg you to remember the things that you could accomplish by fighting the battle which is impossible to win, by setting the example of Honour above all else, and by refusing to ever sink to the lesser man's level. You have let the rubbish of the world cause you to stumble, sir, and I beg you to rise above it once more, as you always taught me to do.

Lord Twilight... with all due respect, I beg You to leave the Infernals be. There is, in my opinion, no way for the Ideals of the Iron Citadel and the Ideals of Darkness to be compatible without sacrificing the very precepts upon which the Guild was built... And I would give anything in the world to try and prevent that from happening.

On the subject of The Sinistar's enemying from Ashtan: There is, sadly, often a vast chasm between what is morally right, and what is legally right (perhaps one of the reasons that I detest laws so much, in the first place). In this instance, I believe that it is morally wrong to enemy a man who has dedicated much of his life to bettering the City of the Free, and I wish that this could be rectified without showing favouritism. But legally, the enemying is correct, to the best of my understanding, and I have every faith that The Sinistar, having said his peace on the matter, will once again set an example for all of Achaea to follow by accepting such, whatever the real motives may or may not be.

And thus, before I cease to humiliate myself by baring my soul in front of all of Sapience, I have one final set of pleas to issue, personally, to my father.

Forgive me. Your respect, trust and pride mean as much, if not more to me, than anything in this realm. I would very much like to stand beside you once more as a soldier of the Iron Citadel, and help to rebuild what has been torn asunder. Yet I stand by my assertation that the only salvation for the Iron Citadel now lies in the renewed embrace, first and foremost, of the ideals upon which it was built, rather than in victory. You have brought the Iron Citadel this far, and I believe that you can continue to successfully lead it to Glory and Honour. I beg you to take recent information into account in yours decisions, and offer some fallen Knights and Ladies a chance to atone for and correct mistakes, if they so desire, and make certain that they know that their voice can make a difference in the Iron Citadel, as you always taught me.

Though I've never told you this before, father... You mean the world to me. Whatever the future may hold for me, I hope that you can one day believe that even though we will not always agree, I will always do what I believe in my heart is Right... and I will always know and respect the fact that you have done the same, regardless of whatever mistakes any of us might make in the process.


--Raajin

Postscript... I'm too weary to find a way to correct it, but the paragraph addressed to Lord Twilight should have ended as follows: I hope that my personal disagreement with Your Ideals will not be mistaken for a lack of gratitude for the favours You have shown me, or the mercy with which You have released me.

Penned by my hand on the 14th of Miraman, in the year 247 AF.