Message from the Editor (Thats me, in case your wondering)
I've just glanced over (and I mean glanced) the past 1000 odd posts,
and theres arguments over who killed who, and how, summoning abilities,
illegal venoms, and the standard guild bickering, so I figured "Hey,
why not do something a little different, and put together a newspaper
spoof". I'd love to hear what those of you who actually take time to
read my posts think of it, be it via a MSG, tell, or a javelin in the
back, if you really didn't like it. I'd also like to thank everyone
who congratulated me on winning the lottery, and clarify the actual
number of tickets I purchased: 289. Thats all for now, hope you enjoy
the post.

Feature Article: Minia, the untold story
Now, I know many of us, myself included, have fond memories of a
newbiehood spent running around the fantastical land of Minia.
Most of us even participated in the ongoing rivalry between the
pixies and imps, and of course, killed the pitiful excuse for a kobold
king. But how much do we really know about minia? Our star reporter,
(thats also me, btw) recently went undercover to find out the sordid
truth about the land of Minia.
Disguised first as a pixie, I was turned back by a couple of *VERY*
large ogres who apparently didn't think my wings were big enough.
Fortunately for me, by the time they were done with me, I bore an
uncanny resemblence to a kobold, and managed to sneak past. It was
during my conversation with the kobold king that I discovered exactly
how the current power balance in Minia had come to be. I can not vouch
for the accuracy of these facts, but only report them to you in good
faith, as they were told to me.
It seems that once, in the not-so-distant past, the Pixie Queen and Imp
Lord were a happily married couple, living comfortably in the Ember tower.
But such a life was not for them, and the poor Imp Lord, surrounded by
so many fetching pixies, couldn't keep his eyes from wandering. His
wife did not take kindly to his indescretions, and so began a long and
messy divorce process, in which she got the child, but he got the tower,
and a court order to pay out a huge alamony. Naturally, neither of them
liked this arrangement, so they started offering bounties, first on each
others followers, and later on each other. As if this was not bad enough,
the brunt of his parents rivalry fell on the one person caught in the
middle, a product of happier times, the Kobold King. Left without a
husband, the Pixie Queen took to spending lavish amounts on her only
child, purchasing him his very own dungeon, throne, and the complete
set of firesprite action figures. But none of this could make up for
the lack of the father he never knew, and so he gradually sunk into the
depths of despair, becoming the tragic figure we see today.
This is not a happy story, but rather a tale of love gone awry, and
should be taken as a lesson be all you young lovers out there: Even
if you realise your spouse is no longer the person you once loved,
don't make your child into a kobold king.
And now, that I've finally left minia behind me, I have only one little
question for all you readers.... who can I sell all these hellcat corpses
to?

Humour Coloum: Lottery Fever
Yes, its that time of the year again, when everyone withdraws all the
money from their bank accounts, and rushes off to Delos, occasionally
even reaching the lottery office before being mugged. Averroes turns
up with his 500 gold, to buy one ticket that he just *knows* is going
to be the winner, and Epicurus turns down backscratchers in an attempt
to scrape together enough gold from his meagre teachers salary to buy
a few tickets. But what about the rest of us? Just how contagious is
this lottery fever, what are the symptoms, and what is the cure?
Having recently been diagnosed with it myself, I beleive I can shed
some light on this otherwise mysterious subject.
You can generally tell someone has lottery fever when, after running
across achaea, looking for everything from brass keys to missing axes,
they spend their rest breaks lying in the Old Quarter of Hashan,
begging for food.
Another hint is when they don't *buy* a peice of myrrh gum, but rather,
put down a deposit on it.
Cures come in many shapes and forms, ranging from standing upside down
while drinking a glass of water, to drinking copious amounts of tequilia
in order to prevent yourself from walking to Delos (Well, thats why *I*
got drunk, I don't know about the rest of you), to giving all your money
to a charity, such as the "Feed the Falcons" fund, or the "Buy Thakren
a lottery ticket" foundation. Such donations can also be useful come tax
time.
Ultimately, though, the best way to spend your time during lottery season
is strapped down in your grove, a bottle of moonshine in your hand, and
all your gold buried beneath your cactus weed crop, to discourage you from
digging it up again.

Sports Results
Shallam narrowly beat Ashtan in a tight finish to the "I know you are, but
what am I" post competition.
Meanwhile, the Sentinels were once again slaughtered by the druids in the
annual drinking competition. I've said it before, but I'll say it again,
Mandrake is a sponge.
And Speedy the Sixth recently set a new record for "Most weed smoked by
a falcon who didn't end up crashing into the Erisian Pyramid"

And this brings the First Issue of the Achaean times to its exciting
and action packed conclusion.... make sure you pick up next issue, to find
out just why Furze keeps on losing his axe in the same place, and to
learn more about the Butterfly Wars of 207, an essential part of our
history.

Penned by my hand on the 21st of Ero, in the year 246 AF.