STOP.

IF YOU'VE NEVER READ ANY OF THESE BEFORE, YOU MUST READ THIS FIRST
ARTICLE.

WE INTERRUPT YOUR NORMALLY SCHEDULED ALLITERATION TO BRING YOU THIS
BREAKING NEWS.

In all my years of reporting, it is only now that I have encounted the
news article I was meant to bring to the public.

Recent news has come to light about the last unexplored territory.
Truly, the territory no one was willing to explore. Surely, no one could
have been so eager.

After all, some aspects of Tiax were not meant to be understood. But
some cannot let the mysteries of the world remain.

What follows herein has not been modified in any way. THE TRUTH HAS BEEN
REVEALED.
---
You say, "Looks like Tiax dressed up as a stripper."

You say, "Something I've had the misfortune of seeing."

Captain Delphinus Windancer says to you, "The misfortune of seeing? I've
had the good fortune of reenacting."
---
Captain Delphinus Windancer says to you, "No, no. Why would I pay him?
Anyway, nothing of the sort. Let's say that you can't very well don a
Tiax costume without acting in a Tiax-ful manner."
---
Captain Delphinus Windancer says to you, "I garnered a standing ovation,
thank you very much. Mayhaps the children simply did not possess a
cultured thespian
eye."
---
Captain Delphinus Windancer says to you, "Scald your tongue enough and
you can chew live scorpions without wincing. Work and dwell around Tiax
long enough, and well..."
---
...certainly, we've all heard our share of stories. Various deviancies,
taking no responsibility for some of his "contributions." But the
implications herein are too shocking to ignore.

I will not be the one to judge, fellow Achaeans. I am merely the one who
reports the news. The truth is out there, for those willing to find it!



We now return to your regularly scheduled bulls-uh, NEWS.


HASHAN'S HECKLERS HORRIFIEDLY HEAR HASHAN'S HEREABOUTS
----------------------------------
What started off as a normal day for most every Achaean quickly turned
to awe and slight discomfort as a civilization of people living in the
Ithmian forests has been uncovered. The they their city Hashan, the
Crown of the Ithmia, and appear to have a history dating far back to
times earliest remembered by our oldest adventurers. While skeptics
remain skeptical of the situation and are demanding solid proof of the
existence of this city, many are hailing it as an amazing discovery.

The Hashanites, as they call themselves, claim to have been a
significant part of the world for quite some time, being home to some of
the world's past and present foremost adventurers, guilds, houses, and
further say that they have always existed. Although doubt remains high
among the general populace, it is true that there have been rumors of a
city in the forests for quite some time.

Although the other cities of the world have not yet had an official
policy towards this new area, it is believerd that there will be a
bloody feud over the area until one side has come out victorious, and
then a provisionary government will be put into place until the
fledgling city-state can be established upon its own two feet.


MHALDORIANS MALALIGN MONTETARY MERCY, MARSHALS MASH MERRYMAKERS
----------------------------------
The city of Mhaldor, commonly known for evil, suffering, and the
Mhaldorian way, has recently been confronted about what seems to be a
charity uprising within the city. Mysterious relief packages have
recently been seen coming out of the city, leading many to believe that
there may be a dangerous cult working within the city.

Investigation of these packages, by both the Mhaldorian city government
and the recipients have raised few clues other than that the packages
seem to come from a secluded cult dedicated to Tarah within the city.
Mhaldor's administration has vehemently denied such a problem, though
impartial observers claim to have noticed such oddities for years before
this occured. A dark knight planting flowers in Eleusis, various
apostates in undercover clothes leading children into the church room,
and a few prominent members who shall remain unnamed watering flowers.

Despite all governmental claims to the non-existence of this cult,
observers have noted Mhaldor ramping up its previous efforts, with such
activities as punching old ladies, stealing candy from babies, and
moving around the furniture in the homes of the visually impaired.


LIGHT'S LEADERS LIBERATE LIGHTABLE LITERATURE
----------------------------------
Although Shallam's more zealous citizens have been derided for years
because of their penchant for setting fire to literature, recently many
were witness to the brave exploits of a pair of Shallamese citizens, a
Priest and a Paladin, who rushed into a burning library to rescue as
many of the burning books as was possible. Toppling shelves, braving the
burning building and rescuing the few books that had not yet caught
fire, the pair quickly had a stack of books outside the library.

The two received a commendation from the library's founder, and a large
sum of money, which was refused and instead donated to charity. When
questioned about the event, the founder looked back and said he wishes
he had his money back.

Our field reporter went to ask him why, and he responded that the
Shallamites took the books to Shallam and put them all into the pyre.


VAMPIRIC VAMPIRE VICIOUSLY VEGETATES VIOLET VEGETATION
----------------------------------
The Vampire Lord, Zsarachnor, commonly known for being bloodthirsty,
dangerous, and more than a tad civilized. Often slapping people and
commanding them to bow when even in the best of moods, once a year he
can be found in a significantly better mood, traipsing about the flower
fields. How could this come to be, you may ask?

It's Zsarachnor's annual Flower Fest, and many overjoyed citizens are
looking forward to the event with color dress and bated breath. While
many don't believe the Vampire Lord himself has been in the best of
moods since his last tulip in Eleusis wilted after Lady Eris' adventures
in the timequake. While many merely remember this sad event as the
advent of the Jesters guild, others remember it as the day Big Z's
little heart grew just a little bit. One day out of the year, he sheds
his stern demeanor to return to his flower planting escapades.

The date as of yet is still rather tentative, but it's nearly
universally agreed that the Vampire Lord prefers his begonias planted in
Spring. Mark your calendars, Achaeans!

Penned by my hand on the 14th of Sarapin, in the year 487 AF.