Having the read the rash of responses to Rho's (that's enough accidental
alliteration for one day, I think) recent (damn it!) actions, I was
tempted to come here and pen one of my own, lambasting the obvious
unfairness of the Church's stance. As I put pen to paper, however, it
occurred to me that there are many other immobile objects who I've
something of a grievance with, and who also don't care a whit about me
or my urgent complaints. As long as I was going to be futilely mashing
my caviling fists against a brick wall of disinterest, I decided I might
as well address the many villains of the world who don't receive their
due share of whiny public posts.

First on the chopping block: small pebbles.

Pebbles,
For all your aloof posturing, sitting pensively by the shores of streams
and on the sides of trails, I had expected some degree of utility from
you. Imagine my excitement the other day when I discovered one of your
brethren had lodged itself within my boot. Doing what any thinking
person would do upon discovering such a store of supposed practicality,
I popped the thing into my mouth and swallowed without chewing. I come
to you today to appalledly report that it was neither tasty nor
delicious. How dare you shape yourself like candies, only to hurt our
throats and taste no better than any other debris I've found on the
ground? You are no better than they are. Further, the aforementioned
member of your band of rocky hoodlums injured my foot while stowing
away. I found him to have no medicinal value whatsoever when ingested.
Disgraceful.

I demand that you begin at once function as I, and everyone else,
believe you should. Start being tasty, stop being undigestable, and
acquire for your self some basic therapeutic value. You should be
ashamed of yourselves, pebbles. Ashamed.

With Rage,
Tiax

Penned by my hand on the 20th of Aeguary, in the year 468 AF.