The Meaning of Urges and why Sheep are so Baaaah-shful.


I begin with the knowledge that Greyface is out to get me, his agents
will be actively pursuing me after this, and that I am rather hungry.

The First Logosian Decree is where we might have begun. We had
originally decided to start somewhere else, but after a while it just
didn't seem wise, what with the decree being so admirably suited to our
cause. "There will be NO molesting of the sheep." Know that these words
were spoken by He, the almighty, the Logos, because Harlequin thought he
was being blackmailed and gave too much away.

Sheep are lovely creatures. They are soft, like the freshly-washed silk
pant-leg. They are fluffy, like the small bunny rabbit with the red,
evil, accusing eyes. They are passionate, like the camel spitting into
the wind, only to have it come flying back to land in his eye. Maybe not
as stupid as the camel, but certainly as passionate.

The loveliness of these creatures is said by many to be surpassed only
by the loveliness of the female Achaean. This is something I cannot
argue with. It is said by others to be surpassed by the Achaean male,
but that is a COMPLETELY different story. However, some males of the
Achaean species find themselves frustrated over attempts and failures to
grab the attention of a male or female, and thus get
irrepressible...what can only be clearly defined as 'urges'.

What are urges, you ask? Well, oftentimes a man has an urge. In his
pants. More often than not it's a tightening of the pants. This often
causes discomfort and confusion over what to do. The simplest method of
this is to perform the formal dance of the horizontal boogie with a
female partner. This can be interposed with a male partner, in some
situations. In fact, there is a thing within Sapience I shall call
'Tightnessinpants Syndrome'. But you should all know most of this by
now. Let's move on.

99.8% of all males in the world experience this syndrome at one point or
another. Yet it's always been an everpresent issue, the quandry of how
to relieve this syndrome when all attempts at finding a suitable partner
for the dance go awry. Left too long as it affects the male,
Tightnessinpants Syndrome causes frustration. Frustration causes
desperation. Desperation is a leading cause of a number of bad choices.
And this is at the core of the issue.

In their desparation, males seek to relieve Tightnessinpants Syndrome.
And thus they turn to the only thing slightly less lovely than the
female. The sheep. This is a bad choice. As Harlequin has leaned this,
so too have many throughout the ages. And more often than not it has
resulted in a bad thing or things.

What does this have to do with a great number of things? ...hah. Good
question. Not the point. It is still very, very bad. If the Logos said
so, it must be true. What does this have to do with Sapient, Denizen, or
Divine? I haven't got a clue about how it relates to the Divine, but it
affects the Denizen in a very bad way caused by the Sapient.

Of course, sheep are not the only victims of this. I have heard a story
of Delphinus and a treekin that is most foul. Yet again, another story
for another day. Bad choices never result in a good thing.

Remember, my fellow Achaeans. Help stop Tightnessinpants Syndrome. Only
you can do it. I leave you with a few wise words.


Don't be like Harlequin.

Baaaaah means Nooooo.

Sarapis was a very, very wise Divinity. Heed His words.

Really. Don't touch the sheep.


-Kuntar Semshan, Tightnessinpantsologist.

Penned by my hand on the 11th of Aeguary, in the year 408 AF.