~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOW-TO GUIDE TO BEING MHALDORIAN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Step 1:
Join Mhaldor.

Step 2:
Bring a tinderbox to burn things because if you don't, no one else will!

Step 3:
Learn the basics of combat, emphasizing on the topics of
running away, kicking them in the shins and running away, calling them
dirty names behind their back, the art of not deffing up properly, and
taking any mention of your City or Patron's name as a personal attack.

Step 4:
Stock up on cactus-weed. Every good Mhaldorian has a puff every now and
then to keep his/her mind clear.

Step 5:
Know what to do in case of a raid on your city, topics to be researched
here include: making sure your totem defenses are in utter disarray,
making sure you can't find the enemy whatsoever in your own city,
getting lost in your own city trying to find said enemies, and knowing
when to sit in your room in the fetal-position, hoping the 'bad men'
will leave you alone. Can't we all just get along?

Step 6:
Know how to raid someone -else's- city. Topcis here include, but not
limited to:Making sure there are very few citizens on to defend said
raided city, not properly planning your entrance into a room with totems
and 20 city guards, with a raiding party of two, upon your death,
staying as a soul to mock the city of their feeble attempts to avoid the
inevitable, yes, they -will- fall eventually, even if it takes all your
levels.
Step 7:
Come into a position of power. This can be achieved in a number of ways,
by
a)
Sleeping with someone of a higher rank than you in the city
b)
Sleeping with someone of a higher rank than you in the city
c)
Sleeping with more than one person at a time of a higher rank than you
in the city.
d)
Sleeping with the city.

Step 8:
Learn how to count to ten. All good Mhaldorians can at least count to
ten. The sequence is: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, seven,
seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, ten.

Step 9:
Learn how to snuggle. As Eris, Goddess of Chaos said from Her own lips,
"There's too much snuggling going on here in Mhaldor!"

Step 10:
Abuse power once it's been granted to you. You can do this in a number
of ways: Holding cityfavors over the head of that pretty little novice
from Loom, Holding cityfavors over the head of that pretty little novice
that you think used to come from Loom, or, adversely, enemy people for
speaking their mind. Heretics are people too, you know!

Step 11:
Know who your enemies are! The following is a list of enemies of the
city of Mhaldor, learn it well!

The Sentinels
The Druids
The Shaman
The Kharon
The Mojushai
The Runewardens
The Paladins
The Priests
The Magi
The Sylvans
The Jesters
Dormant Orders
The Ashura
The Sentaari
People who use the word, "guesstimate"
Adventurers name's that contain letters.
Patches, the kitten.


Step 12:
Open your own flower shop! Every upstanding Mhaldorian citizen has their
own flower shop. Remeber to water your white roses every day!

Step 13:
Hate the world because they've been mean to you.

Step 14:

Earn the nickname, "Hey! You in the bushes!"

Step 15:
Forget everything you learned in Achaean Grammar School. that kinda
stuff dont got no place in mhaldor anyways becuz thair just lke that

Step 16:
Do not bathe, comb your hair, or in any other way reflect personal
hygeine in regards to the city. That kind of stuff is frowned upon in
Mhaldor.

Step 17:
Be good at throwing insults. Practice on yourself in the mirror, with
such lines as, "I was teamed, you jerk", "I let you win," "Live the rest
of your life in fear."
Please note: These insults are precious and should be used frequently,
whenever possible. For example, whenever one is slain by anything.

Step 18:
Know the difference between "right" and "wrong" in regards to common
sense. For example, "That guy said 'Mhaldor,' and I don't like the way
his nose curves to the right!" "It's just wrong that that guy said
'Mhaldor' and his nose curves to the right." Be sure to be aggressive
when you say such things! It never hurts to be polite when attempting to
kick someone in the shins and run away! It looks good on your history!

Step 19:
Buy a pair of Artifact Wings. They are a very useful thing to have, when
you 'accidentally' stumble into Shallam, for throwing out insults, and
then returning to the comforting saftey of your hometown before the
oppressors in said city return the favor via longsword through the head.

Step 20:
Sit back, and enjoy the ride as you have others do for you, what you did
for them. Hey, power's nice when you're on top, isn't it? No, no, I
wasn't talking to you, dear, you can go back to what you were...*moan*
Yeah.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DISCLAIMER
This is in no way affiliated with any of the following: Eleusis,
Pandora, Rosirine, Pandora's Order, Any Order, Any City except Mhaldor,
Any House other than Mhaldorian Houses, The Sentinels, The Sylvans, The
Druids, The Sentaari, The Kharon, The Mojushai, The Serpentlords, The
Shadowsnakes, The Magi, The Warlocks, The Shamans, The Jesters, The
Occultists, The Paladins, The Priests. Thank you for your time.

Penned by my hand on the 14th of Daedalan, in the year 404 AF.