Dear Mr. Jaizsur Ta'sa, Warmongering Lemming,

Upon perusing your latest and most distinctly oven-fresh declaration of
war upon the Pandoran people, I was completely shocked at the revelation
I found contained within. Therefore, I feel compelled to respond with
the following statement, and may all Gods have mercy on your delectably
flaky (yet tasty with milk) excuse for a soul.

On behalf of the Interplanar Brotherhood of Sylvan Dwarves, of which I
am a card-carrying member . . . yes, I am a Siren, but that is SO not
the point, stop interrupting me, or we'll never get this done!

Ahem. As I was saying. On behalf of the Interplanar Sylvan Dwarf
Society, I am shocked to discover that the Sovereign Nation of New
Ashtan has resorted to criminal activity in order to boost their army.
Your little slip, revealing that the New Ashtan military consists of
'little men with pointed sticks,' has alerted me to a situation which
has been going on for too long. I hereby accuse said nation of
perfidious crimes, including (but not limited to), the kidnapping and
wrongful imprisonment of our brethren in order to boost your military
with our might, and justifiably intimidating demeanors.

I hereby demand the return of our noble brethren, less the few pounds
around the waist they may have gained through your insidious plot to
keep them from deserting your silly military with promises of
croissants, danishes, and other such evilly delectable treats. If you
wish to make war upon the Purveyors of Mischief and their Assortment of
Hairdressers, you will have to do so without your 'little men with
pointy sticks.' I also demand payment for the insult to the fine women
of the Brotherhood, for though they are our Brethren, albeit being
Sistren, they are NOT men, though no less fierce and capable as any.

Look to your panties, New Ashtan (I married Mendax, and Agrias is
right... there's really nothing we can do about that), and tremble!

Oenone Atreide-Mendacis,
High Sylvan Siren Sistren of the Interplanar Sylvan Dwarf Brotherhood

Note - Please be advised that the above statement may or may not be
connected in any fashion to any person, living, dead, or undead, unless
clearly stated by said person in a court of law, with the exception of
Mendax, because he married me, and that's what he gets. Offer not
available in Ulangi.

Penned by my hand on the 21st of Mayan, in the year 403 AF.