The Nabobery of Most Things is now taking applications for a variety of
seats of power once the revolution begins. Among these positions are
Arch-Popes #132-201, Wearer of The Fancy Shoes, Grandmaster of Yum, and
Dope. For those of you interested in applying, here are a list of duties
which acompany each position:

Arch-Pope:
-Rename the dangly thing in the back of people's throat 'Murray,' so
that all can remember. It is imperative that the Arch-popes convey this
message of Murraytude to the masses.

-Wear large hats. One cannot be a proper archpope if one's hat does not
comprise 2/3 of one's standing hieght.

-Develop new styles of sneezing. Most sneezes today are either boring or
annoying. The Archpopes must develop a method of sneezing that is
entertaining and yet still efficient. Perhaps something with fireworks.

-Appoint official mascots. A grand Nabobery can never have too many
mascots.

Wearer of The Fancy Shoes
-Wear fancy shoes. Duh.

-Annex shoes into the Nabobery. As you can tell by the name, the
Nabobery is comprised of MOST things, not ALL things. Those things not
in the Nabobery consist mostly of mean people and shoes. Since no one
likes mean people, the only avenue of expansion we have is annexing
shoes.

Grandmaster of Yum:
-Eat...a lot.

Dope:
-Distract the mean people so they don't get into the Nabobery. This may
include hurling yourself at them and enduring the taunting and general
not nicities that will follow in order to protect the other members of
the Nabobery.

All applications should be submitted to me in either letter, message, or
magical talking rat. Please make sure any magical talking rats do not
have a strong accent, because I might not be able to understand them and
will think they're insulting walnuts and will thus be forced to put them
in Official Giant Meat Grinder. Huzzah!

Grand Nabob Tiax

Penned by my hand on the 19th of Ero, in the year 365 AF.