There have been an unbelievable number of requests to hear my side
of the story. Much as I'd love to tell you all personally, I simply
cannot. There are too many of you. Hopefully, this post will clear
up any confusion.

First, I'd like to thank everyone for their messages in these last
three months. Some were concerned, some were bewildered, but most
were supportive. It really did help me pull through my time in that
prison.

To fully understand why this happened, we need to start with a message
I received from Dru about a year and a half ago, asking me to bless
Das, a Chaos Lord, if I was given the opportunity. Church tradition,
as well as the work of many of my fellow philosophers, recognizes Chaos
as a fundamentally destructive substance. Thus, Church discipline held
that we should not bless practicing occultists, especially those who
would
mutate themselves with it. Naturally, I dissented, and this lead to a
toe-to-toe debate with Dru and the Lady Lorielan.

I appealed to Dru with the fruits of my studies, with logical and
philosophical reasoning, but he limited me to that which I could prove
through direct observation. The Lady saw fit to hold me to these
irrational standards, and since She is a respectably accomplished
philosopher Herself, She was able to force the debate into a stalemate.

Unwilling to complacantly give up my quest to educate both myself and
the world around me, I decided to find the concrete proof that Dru
demanded. One of my fellow scholars (who will remain nameless unless
he/she decides to come forward) told me about an artifact that was in
the Delosian Basilica that could actually measure the presence of the
taint in an area. I knew that the only place I could hope to get this
tool is from the Garden. I couldn't approach the Te'Serra, since They'd
be hesitant to oppose Lady Lorielan. I couldn't approach the neutral
Gods, since They have little or no interest in this fight. Thus, I
shouted for a member of Lord Twilight's order. He had a personal
interest in the actions of the Church and its patrons. It certainly
broke protocol, but in the interest of getting something done, it seemed
necessary.

Unfortunatly, instead of one of Lord Twilight's followers, I got Paine.
Oops.

I told Paine what I was looking for, and that I'd allow Lord Twilight to
publicly take credit for the discovery and correct Lady Lorielan. A
reputation is a small price to pay for the truth. A fleeting shameful
moment, a few mocking public posts (which, lo and behold, happened
anyways), but the integrity of our teaching would be preserved. Now,
Paine had other plans. He told either Lady Eris or Lady Lorielan, I'm
sure that They'd be equally amused, and the Lady Lorielan summoned me
to the Throne of Enlightenment.

She claimed that She wanted to address some of the rumors circulating
about me. I honestly hadn't heard any of them, and said so, but then
She asked me to explain my views on Chaos. I did (and will do again in
a more orderly format sometime soon--I'm trying to keep this post to a
reasonable length), and She said that She heard about my meeting with
Paine. She asked me to explain why I did it, and I told Her basically
what you see above. While I was doing this, She told me that She agreed
that being a complacant Ashtani citizen is inappropriate. However, She
wouldn't allow me to use that argument during the debate that sparked
this whole mess. Hardly ideal, but acceptable, so long as the truth is
made clear later. Was it? No. She did not see fit to correct Dru or
the Church, even when She saw and understood the truth. I can
understand Her interest in the outcome of a debate centered more on
Chaos than on Das. I want to make it perfectly clear that I am not
condemning Her for an intellectual pursuit. However, I am righteously
pissed that She chose to hide the truth and let the Church continue in
an error that She perceived. Apparently philosophy has no purpose
except to pass the time.

When I finished my explanation, She summoned Lord Pentharian and Lady
Mithraea to Her throne. Enraged that I didn't trust Them to stand up
to Lady Lorielan when the truth was at stake (note irony), I was zapped
five times and banished to hell. (A bit more irony here. I have to
praise
the ineffable wisdom of the one who decided to send me to a prison in
a Chaos Plane for fighting against Chaos and expected me to come out
anything but angry.)

And here I am, freed. I was kicked out of Shallam, my guild, and the
Church, heard all sorts of interesting rumors about what I tried to do,
and lost many friends, including my own sister. Those closest to me
weren't horribly suprised. I'd said many times before that it's a bad
philosopher who bows to authority or convenience at the expense of the
truth. It is our place in the world to suffer for our message, which
is fine, so long as it is heard before we're gone for good.

This is the first of a series of posts I have planned. If they stop
coming, look to the Garden, and be suspicious. I can tell you already
what will have happened to me.

Penned by my hand on the 18th of Daedalan, in the year 349 AF.