I'd smile and say softly that I already knew
I'm so used to try and try until I drop dead.
So willing to be that someone you seek
repared to punch, bite and cry till dawn.

I'd smile and pretend I didn't hear a thing,
I'm so used to chase hopeless dreams.
So willing to ignore as I'm choked by eels
ut this I know with pain; I can't be your fix.

But the Gods know how hard I tried.
I'm so used to chase hopeless dreams
Even when those dreams have seven hundred eyes.
t's funny, I chased and stabbed until I grew a tail.

I'd smile and ask, is that really true?
Unfortunately for me, this is all because of you
"Hollow me out if that keeps you engaged"
A promise that kills me to break and discard.

I'd beam and say I already knew
I was growing used to hearing your lies
So willing to be quiet to see you happy
When in return it made my heart clammy

I'd laugh and confess I'm not surprised
Why else would you want me back if not to play?
This time I refused the touch, I might be sick
I'm glad you didn't feel, it was torture for me.

I can't keep smiling forever. I'm such a fool
I knew it and went back, and back, and back
I knew I was nothing but a distraction, a tool
I already knew. I knew, I always knew. But it's
too early and too late, I'll never see you again.

My brain replays everything you've told me. The good and the unforgivable,
It does not matter what I think, I'll never touch you in this lifetime.
I'm sorry I made you waste your time, I wish I could return it
with a pretty bow.
I have a plague to catch so you'll never worry anew.

"Don't... be stupid" you can't tell me what to do.
Good morning, good evening, and good night.
Be happy, be giddy, be healthy, be well.
Be loved.


I won't see the sun until the cure is in my grasp.
Maybe, one day,
All of this will change.

Penned by my hand on the 6th of Valnuary, in the year 1007 AF.