Received a few letters without any gold in there, so they will not be added to this months edition of Dear Jonesey. If you want to know "What Would Jonesey Do?" you have to pray the troll toll, or you'll never have this boys soul. For just a single sovereign per letter, you can help to save the lost souls who are looking for answers in the wrong places.

(Insert sad song here with puppies eating from the garbage can)


NEXT!!

You read what is written on an elegant white letter:
Dear Jonesey,

People in my city seem to have lost their minds, straying from what they used to be and what they used to stand for. How can I fix this?

Should I just slaughter them all?

Thanks!
~A fan


Dear ~A fan,

If you slaughtered them all, would you still have city mates who would lose their minds and stray from what they used to be and what they used to stand for? Probably not. The real question is do you stand for what your city IS and are you ready for where your city is going? It's hard to be in the minority of what is going on, so the best thing you can do is start a vicious rumour about your city leader and try to over throw them. Then with your wisdom and greatness you can take your city back to the pebble ages when it was great.

Dare I say, that you will make it great again. Remember, you and you alone can fix this. A great way to build a base of supporters is to procreate as frequently as you can. If your city totals 1000 members, and 900 are your family, this will ensure your victory and will help while you lead your city back to the past.

A final word of advise is to alienate those who oppose you. Associate them with the opposite of what your city stands for and talk about how they hate your city mates but love your enemies. This will help lead those who are disenfranchised to feel like you stand for them and help garner support. If you need more assistance than this, well you're going to have to pay me more than 1 golden sovereign.




NEXT!!!!



You read what is written on an elegant white letter:
Dear Jonesey,
I was faced with a problem and asked myself, what would Jonesey do? The answer seemed obvious, blackmail. So I researched the person and found they had a weakness for cookies, and tried to used that as leverage. The problem is that she seems much better at getting the cookies from me, than I am at using them for leverage, I need expert advice, how do you make blackmail work?

Signed,
Bad at being bad


Dear Bad at being bad,

A few things that can be done here, it comes down to what your budget is. You can buy all the cookies on the market, in every cities stores, every private persons secret stash (I know Chubbs has a cookie rift, at least thats what he tells me when I ask why his cookies are still warm.....) OR lead them to something better. Gleam is exactly like cookies that make you scratchy. Prepare a batch of their favorite cookies, but replace sugar with gleam. Now they will rely on you and you alone for your special batch of cookies. Oh my god, Chubbs has been giving me gleam cookies for years I gotta go.




NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!


You read what is written on an elegant white letter:
Dear Jonesey,

Why Chaos? I realize this is not a traditional WWJD question, but I couldn't help wondering "Why did Jonesey do it?"

Why hold up a sign stating, "The Seat of Chaos or bust" when there are so many other options? What makes Ashtan the best one? Why should a newcomer consider joining and what House is the best there?

WWJD?

Being Awesome K Every Day


Dear Being Awesome K Every Day, (I see what you did there)

Ashtan used to be the city of Freedom, but that is no longer the case. Ones potential is limited by laws and rules and icky things like that, and I don't like to be told what I can and cannot do. If you like being told what to do, great go be a -gossian or a -dorian or even a -renian. I believe in the power of opportunity and I don't want to be limited in my opportunities so Ashtan is the home for me. I also like shinies so I would reccomend the Consortium house, as we have the best shinies. If you don't like shinies, join the Merchants house, theyre like us but with fewer shinies.

In short, if you like to not be the best, dont join Ashtan. If you want to be a part of the greatest city, well you're already Ashtani.

Penned by my hand on the 25th of Valnuary, in the year 790 AF.