Normally when I find occasion to write in this forum, I do so on behalf
of my city or guild. Today, I am not wearing my Overseer or Demiurge
hat. This time, it's personal.

Some are aware by now that I have recently become engaged to Verlaine,
who was until today of the Paladins guild. I met Verlaine during the
Crossing last year, the each of us working on opposite sides. For some
reason, after the Crossing had passed we began to converse via
telepathic tells. We discovered that despite our outward differences, we
had many things in common. I quickly began to treasure the time we spent
talking together, and the feelings were returned. An undeniable bond
formed.

Unexpectedly, to make things short, we fell in love. Unfortunately, this
caused no little consternation amongst the leaders of the Church. For
refusing to leave me, despite the support of many (even the majority) of
his guildmates, he was cast out in turn from his Order, from the Church,
and from the Paladins. Verlaine loved Lorielan. He served the Church
loyally for nearly a century. He is a Paladin to the core. I cannot even
begin to communicate how stunned and saddened for him I am by this turn
of events.

When Imithia founded the Church long ago, it was to commemorate the life
of Pasiphae, to offer up thanks for a pure and beautiful soul. Am I
foolish for thinking that love is implied in such a beginning? In the
beginning the Church seems to have been about celebration of life and
love, of creation, of building bridges between souls, not burning them.
Verlaine served the Paladins with dedication for nearly his entire life.
He pled with them to put him on probation, to watch him for decades if
they wanted, to allow him to prove his continued loyalty. The Church
would not allow it.

What pains me about this situation is that his great love for the
Paladins did not matter. All that he has done for them did not matter.
What mattered, in the end, was the image of the Church. What others
would think. What people would say. I could understand if they truly
worried for his soul, if they truly cared and wanted to protect him from
my so-called evil influence. But the only fear here was not that
Verlaine would come to harm, but that the Church's image would be
tarnished.

Images are funny things. Too often we build up an ideal image of a
person or organization that becomes more precious than the reality of
what is. Ideally we would work our damndest to consolidate the reality
with the ideal - chaos magick in fact is deeply immersed in the study of
creating one's own realities. But this requires that you can honestly,
even brutally understand both the ideal and the reality in order to
merge the two. When the perfect image becomes so important that the
thought of having it questioned or tarnished sends you into a panic,
then you've lost it.

The Paladins have lost one who, from all I have seen, is everything a
Paladin should be. A knight that they should have been proud to have
stand among them, one who has never in his past done anything to deserve
this distrust. I do not personally oppose Righteousness or Good unless
they choose to have conflict with me, and I would not have tried to
change him from who he is - I love him as he is. But my words I know
will fall upon deaf ears by those who made the decision to outguild him,
as by virtue of who I am any reason I speak will not be trusted. Our
profound gratitude to those who stood by him as this unfolded, it meant
more than you know.

Shakti.

Penned by my hand on the 11th of Daedalan, in the year 304 AF.