In my research into ancient seleucarian society I've come across
something you may be familiar with. Apparently there was a group of
singing jesters who sang for the "Queen" of Seleucar or something like
that and they had many good songs filled with strange, archaic
references. One of the more popular of these songs was called "Bicycle
Race", in which the main singer is being psychoanalyzed via free
association (psychoanalysis being some sort of brainwashing technique
invented by a drug addict) and all he does is go back to how he wants to
ride his bike. If you're a seleucarian history major like me then you
find the song very amusing as a bicycle is a very hard psychoanalytical
symbol to analyze.

However, via further research I have proved for a fact that our
interpretation of the song is indeed wrong! It should not be 'bicycle
race', it should be 'giraffe race', and every time the word 'bicycle' is
used in the song it should actually be the word 'giraffe'. I will
provide here for you a short sample of the correct text, and I am sure
you will agree with me that 'giraffe race' makes one bad [censored for
content] [censored for content] [censored for content] jester theme
song.

Of course, by bad I mean good.

Giraffe giraffe giraffe
I want to ride my giraffe giraffe giraffe.
I want to ride my giraffe
I want to ride my balloon
I want to ride my giraffe
I want to ride it where I like
You say black I say white
You say bark I say bite
You say dark I say hey man
Azdun was never my scene
and I don't like Zsarachnor

And it goes on like that though I have yet to translate the rest with
the small changes necessary. Well, I hope that this has been
informative.

It feels like I'm forgetting something though... oh yeah. Star tarot
card, after they charge it by rubbing their fingers on it to imbue it
with magical energy, they can throw it up into the air and it will land
and make contact with the target approximately seven seconds later,
breaking shields though not prismatic barrier. Obviously they and their
target have to be outdoors in order to use this and many of them time it
in with other attacks. It's basically like a meteor arrow.

Penned by my hand on the 2nd of Scarlatan, in the year 299 AF.