There are many different types of people. Some are stronger than others,
physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, any combination of
those. What would crush one person leaves another bruised and a third
merely laughs it off. The physical strengths are easiest to see usually.
We see that while walking across the Vashnar mountains while some die in
one swipe of the mountain lion's claws, others are able to run away, and
still others turn from the prey into the predator, giving back more then
they get.

The same can apply to our emotional strength, our spiritual strength (I
like to think of this one as what we believe in), and especially, our
mental strength. Folks who are strong mentally have a good concept of
who they are. Often, this is seen in confidence, when you know yourself
well enough, you understand what you can and cannot do, it involves a
knowledge of your other strengths and weaknesses. Knowing that I am not
an emotionally strong person lets me know not to lean too heavily on my
emotions. Knowing that I am a strong spiritual person lets realize that
what I believe in, what stirs me, will not be budged. Knowing that I am
not a strong person physically lets me carefully consider before trying
to do something that will likely end in my death, and weigh it against
whether the attempt is worth it, for my beliefs, or my emotions, or my
self worth.

How does this apply to Love, Respect, Obedience, and Change?

It all applies to relationships. In most cases, there is love.
Reciprocal love, one would hope. Now, not everyone will agree with me,
I'm sure, but to me, true love is unconditional and all consuming.
Knowing the strengths and weaknesses of the one you love, be it friend,
lover, child, or parent, and loving that person. Not in spite of who
they are, but because of who they are.

Again, I cannot speak for everyone, but what does loving someone do to
me? It causes me to respect them, deeply. Now, it is true, I give
everyone respect, until such a time as they prove to me that they do not
deserve my respect. (Sort of an innocent until proven guilty thing for
me.) I know that this is not the case for everyone, but how can you
claim to love someone that you do not respect. Even in a parent/child
relationship, there is respect.

And with respect often comes obedience. Not obedience because I fear
what will happen if I do not obey, but obedience because I desire to
please those I love. It is not a blind obedience. When one of my friends
is depressed and asks me to do something that will lead to their harm, I
refuse. But when my husband asks me to return to my grove so that he can
bring someone for me to resurrect, or when my friends tell me to stop
muttering, or when Landon asks me to wear my chainmail, even though it
will wrinkle my gown these things I do, gladly. I'd also like to point
out that while I enjoy doing what my loved ones ask of me, my loved ones
would never ask of me more than I can give, because of their love and
respect for me. I know that. And it is reciprocal.

Change. It is a natural part of life. We cannot help but change, and
part of loving is accepting those natural changes. Our friends, enemies,
environment, and our very own strengths and weaknesses lead to changes
in our overall self. I say natural changes, because there is unnatural
change as well, though it is harder to accomplish, and often leads
misery. It occurs when change is purposely forced upon a person, against
the natural flow. While someone who is a steadfast pacifist may indeed
someday become a world famous hunter, forcing that person to leave their
ways as a pacifist will be moving too quickly for them, in all
likelihood, and will also make them resent the one who made them change.
Another aspect of this, is that some folks are much more willing to be
changed than others. A person without a strong sense of self won't be
quite as affected by folks trying to change them. But changing a strong
person, if you can at all, will likely also change your relationship.
Its sometimes hard to respect someone who thinks that who you are is not
good enough for them, and thinks you should change. And its hard to love
someone you do not respect.

And the very worst thing you can do, in my opinion, is to ask someone to
change someone else. There is the chance for two relationships to die
there. Suppose my husband, Landon, who I love and respect, asked me to
change my dear friend Violet, who I also love and respect. Of all those
involved, I would be the most hurt. It would mean to me that Landon does
not have enough respect for me to let me choose my own friends, because
changing Violet on purpose is the same as making her into someone that
she isn't. If I actually did as he wanted, it would mean harming my
friendship with Violet. In this case, I say, if you're so intent on
seeing change, try to change them yourself, but leave the "middle-man"
out of it.

Now, no one has asked me to do this. I think most folks who know me know
that my love is unconditional, and that I accept everyone I claim as my
own for who and what they are. But some of my close friends are not so
fortunate. I am tired of seeing them hurt by folks trying to force them
into that "middle-man" position.

And so, I beseech you all, if you have any love, or even respect for
someone, show it by your actions, your words, and especially, by your
acceptance. Think before you act. A broken heart does not get to pray
for salvation, and come back good as new.

Kellenia Lena D'argan Stormcrow

Penned by my hand on the 12th of Sarapin, in the year 299 AF.