This morning, I woke up in a city I did not recognise, with no
memories of how I came to be there. Fortunately, I'm 112, so this
is a fairly regular occurence, and has long since ceased to bother
me. With the mysterious plauge of possessions that seems to be
seizing Achaea, and my longstanding ability to channel my wise and
venerable Great-Uncle, the Trollish Prophet Thakerroes (Whose most
famous prophecies include "You call me stoopid troll one more time,
I break your neck" and the all-time classic "You will meet a dark
and handsome stranger") I figured now would be the perfect time to
cash in on it, with my latest Get-Rich-Quick Scheme.

Here goes nothing, I'm beginning the Ancient and Secret Process
with Which I May Call Forth the Dead(Tm). Hum-digga-digga-digga.
Hum digga-digga-dugga. I see...... I see..... I see Calhoun in a
goat costume running as fast as he can, with Ximili in hot pursuit?
Oy! Can you two keep it down? I'm *TRYING* to channel the dead
here! Hum-digga-digga-digga. Hum-digga-dugga-dug. Duh.

Damn fool nephew, callin' me out at a time like this. What is it
this time, Thudbutt? Still wanna know if your adopted? Bah, more
prophecies. What if I don't wanna give you no prophecies? What you
gonna do boy? What? Oh, the newsroom's runnin, well, alright then.
Time for my fifteen minutes of fame. Now, listen up boys and gals,
because today, Thakerroes is gonna teach all an important lesson
about the afterlife, entitled "How to get dead drunk when your
dead, and not even hafta worry about the hangover" Let us commence.

Thakerroes - Scuse me, you there sah, you look like a man in need
of guidance, the aide of a Seer's vision. A man seeking knowledge
of the future. I'm right, aint I? I'm a prophet, I'm always right

Solberg - Thakren, I'm not giving you any money. Last time round,
you told me I was gonna have a headache all afternoon, clubbed me
on the head, and took all my money. I'm outa here!

Thakerroes - Dagnabbit, lost another customer. Onto Plan B then,
I'm gonna kill me wunna dem rat things, and make me a fortune at
them roulette tables. Oh yessirree, I predict that Thakren is
gonna have one helluva hangover tomorrow morning!

------------------------------------------------------------
The Next Morning
Groan, well, I think I proved to all of you that the great
beyond into which all souls must travel is not a nice place,
and chanelling the spirits of the dead is a dangerous and
painful work. However, Moose Co.(Tm) is welcome to provide
Unca Thak's Slightly-Larger-Than-Medium service, for when
you want to channel the High Priest/ess of the diety of your
choice, but just don't have the time. Our handy dandy ghost
writing service is also willing to write and publish a
not-entirely-fictional account of your experiences, for a
measly 98.273% of the profits. Guarenteed to end up at least
second on the best-sellers list, maybe even capable of
finally overtaking Geiman's best-selling "Necrophilia for
Amateurs - A definitive guide". Oh, and for handy-dandy
guarenteed visions of the future ("You will meet a dark
and handsome/beautiful stranger, and fall madly in love")
theres only one prophet to go to. So thankyou, and goodnight

Penned by my hand on the 17th of Mayan, in the year 287 AF.