Dear all

-sighs heavily- I need to say this to you all at once, for I will not be here long enough to say it to you individually. I have no guild and no wish to join a new one or rejoin the old one, I have no aims or goals to acheive, no causes to work for, no battles to stop or people to calm. Khaseem, I love you but you are forever settling scores and being called to battle for causes I could never understand...for reasons you don't seem to want to explain to me and pushing me away when you do so that I won't get hurt. But I am more hurt by your distance. I feel alone and I don't know what to do with myself any more. I have brief respites of fun when Gaia arrives to play with or Tarah comes to have fun with me or if Brownwyn is here to keep me in high spirits, but these occasions are feeling less and less frequent, and I am beginning to lose myself to the despair which creeps upon me when I am in my grove with nothing to do and no one to talk to.

Solitude used to be a solace and a respite to me but I have grown to crave more and more attention from those I love and care about and I feel like I am draining you all, and when I am alone I reflect upon how much I demand of you all and want to stop myself needing you so much. But also when I am alone I feel as though I am only alone because none of you care enough to be with me...that you have grown weary of my presence and that you all wish I would leave you to get on with your lives and stop taking so much of you for myself

I feel that there is something very large missing from my life and I don't know what it is, and I am trying to replace it with the love of my friends but that they are not able to deliver what I need. But yet, when I look at it from a distance I can see that what is missing is something so fundamental and small that it seems inconsequential...I need to have love for myself...to feel good about myself and what I am doing with my life. But I am doing nothing with my life right now and it is killing me slowly from within. I am lashing out at those I love, hurting the people who care most about me and alienating myself from them.

For this reason I feel that I must make a journey into my own heart and find a purpose for myself. I will travel to Moghedu and spend some time among those from whom I came. I am not lost to you all forever. I will be among you again soon. I just need some time alone to reflect upon what is happening to me and try to stop it before I destroy all that I have ever worked for and cared about.

Please do not forget me...I need your love

Armelia

Penned by my hand on the 18th of Sarapin, in the year 256 AF.