I swear upon the blessing of the Logos, Who imbues all with the spark of life and will, that no word shall I speak that is not true.

- - -

What follows is an account, a confession, and a defense, that is needfully paraphrased, and mostly chronologically consistent, though imperfect in parts due to the necessity of compilation.

I intend no disrespect, and simply say what has happened to me, and how, for the benefit of posterity. In this I hope to acknowledge any failing of mine, reveal others, and let things so be judged by you who can stomach reading all this.

- - -

I have argued against the dominion of Cyrene by Lord Neraeos from the moment it was offered. I have criticized, thoughtfully, astutely and at length, proposals and actions taken to undermine the sovereignty of Cyrene, indoctrinate its populace, remove agency from its elected officials, as well as to irrevocably change the city's nature upon the world stage.

I have offered clear reasoning, and offered alternatives.

I debated at length with numerous voices - many of which seemed to spring out of the ground in the form of the new or the previously silent - that spoke in support of any and all everything Lord Neraeos, with no compromise, no discussion, regardless of logic, consequence, or approach.

Even as I opposed, I worked to try and console, convince, and bring back despairing people that began to leave.

I spoke to many people, tried my best to offer perspective, and for those who could not or were too fearful to speak, I spoke for. Thus, I spoke often.

As things progressed, I too despaired, but resolved to continue in my Duty to the Heart of the Vashnars, and to believe that it may yet turn out alright.

I have lectured the city at large, upon topics that I believe are worth the study. The importance of listening. The power of the self over taking offense. Humility. Acceptance and dialogue. Not verbally attacking people. Truth. Semantics. The complexity of perception. The perils and ultimate futility of tyranny. Apathy. Responsibility. Topics which long weighed on my mind, and which I believed foster social cohesion.

I have used sarcasm and parody while doing this, for engagement and humor. I have also called everyone reading an "idiot" (myself included), as a semantic device to drive a point home about self-defeating behaviour, fixating on appearances, and the futility of taking things personally.

I have called Lord Neraeos a Tyrant. I did this because this is how He titled Himself when He proverbially arrived at our gates, because of changes to the law of Cyrene that were nothing short of legalizing tyranny, and because of His actions that name Him such. I still do.

I have contributed with amendments to the negotiation of initial terms proposed by Lord Neraeos. Amendments which carried through. I have done so to address dangers of future abuse at the hands of the law, and ensure the self-determination of Cyrene's people. I was buoyed when they went through, felt relieved, and gained hope in Lord Neraeos.

I did this also to address concerns of almost half of the city's people, and help show them that there is still a future with the city.

I began to lose that hope when more terms were introduced that would effectively enshrine the ability to ignore any agreement, term, or law in any case. And when it became apparent that no negotiation would mean anything real, as they appeared largely performative, with little power in the Senate to actually affect anything of civic importance.

I submitted amendments in counter to this. Most no longer carried through.

I applied for Senator out of a desire to serve and protect the city from what I began to see more and more as de-constructive and harmful to it in the long run.

In this, I spoke against indoctrination, and decried incitement by Lord Neraeos towards the murder of a Cyrenian citizen by Cyrenian citizens. That is against the law and morality of Cyrene. Thankfully, the city had not sunk that low. Yet. The person in question ended up joining the growing number of people leaving.

I decried the rushed nature of the referendum that had signed Cyrene away. It had lasted only seven months, and had been started without a chance from the Imperiate to be aware of, assess and initially respond. I reminded the Senate of its own words that stated a threshold of at least sixty percent would be required for the proposed patronage of Lord Neraeos.

The referendum had only reached fifty-four percent, and passed by four votes.

I spoke for the legacy, past, and promise of Cyrene, in counter to repeated and concerted messaging by loud and attacking voices on how all of that is negative and should be discarded.

I have openly stated that Lord Neraeos' proposal should have been flatly denied within five seconds of it having been produced, much like Hashan had done.

I have openly expressed concern at Lord Neraeos presenting His desire to amend the Tables of Cyrene at His discretion, in addition to the overarching terms being negotiated. I noted that that would mean the negotiations are somewhat of a farce.

I tried to hold on to hope, and spoke of my misgivings to Lord Neraeos Himself. I voiced concerns on how the City is being twisted apart and its people turned against each other, and what this means (or doesn't) for the future of Cyrene.

I have offered my services to Lord Neraeos, and offered to swear myself His Capricorn, if only He showed some sign that the dream of Cyrene would endure, that her spirit would not be drowned, that He love my city as I did, and I shall love Him.

I have openly declared my allegiance to Cyrene and its freedom, and said I am bound by Duty and Honor to defend her.

I have despaired at the sight of the waters taking Cyrene and war being brought to her walls, when both these things had been promised against.

I was described by Lord Neraeos as a subversive element to the city in my absence, and implied to be conspiring. I have been public with all my concerns.

I was stripped of all protection of Cyrenian law by Lord Neraeos in unprecedented manner, while still being a citizen, for refusing the protection of a Thalassan armed force moving into the city. I had been the target of assassins, felt rather heated, and said I could manage myself, thank you, in a bit of machismo.

I was deemed insulting because of this, and because of arguing against a candidate for a Senate seat that had previously expressed an individual affinity for tyranny as a form of government in general.

(For reference, here is the Term on the suspension of Imperial Protection: Imperial protection may be suspended for any Cyrenian who perpetrates crimes against Cyrene, His Empire, or His person, so as to ensure that other Imperials are not breaking Imperial law when standing in defense of their beliefs. To be used in exceptional cases, as deemed by Him.)

I perpetrated no crime, spoke out against this, called it unjust, and vocally decried impingements on my free speech and attempts to cow me into acceptance.

I stated that I believed Lord Neraeos' rule is detrimental to Cyrene, and argued why, noting stresses, splits, drama, people leaving and turning on each other, war, and death.

I have claimed that respect is not obedience, and freedom is no insult, except within a tyranny.

I have replied to a citizen on what would it take for me to "let this go", in yet another public debate:

I asked for terms that abolish the rule of law to be rescinded, for a term to be negotiated that allowed the City to potentially vote its way out of Empire, should it ever desire to, and for the perpetrators of murder in Arcadia to be judged by the Senate as per the law, given the consequences of war that it had brought on.

I worded this sardonically, using the words "Here are my terms", as an echo to the finality of Lord Neraeos' proposals. I directly referenced Lord Neraeos in this post. Not as ultimatum, but as firm request. I had anger and frustration, and expressed it in that echo and tone.

I was killed and cast out of my city by Lord Neraeos and made a permanent enemy to it.

I have spoken to the mother of my children that I consider myself Cyrenian still. I echoed to her, in private, a sentiment that others had: That no one in particular owned Cyrene, that it was more than any one being, least of all Lord Neraeos. For this I was killed by Lord Neraeos, and called an incessantly insulting rat.

I was hunted by a citizen of Cyrene, cast off of my ship and murdered. Whether this was on command or due to an excess of zeal, I do not know. I did not fight back against a citizen of my home.

I asked the Senate to unenemy me, as I have never acted against Cyrene and only ever dutifully served her over almost two and a half centuries, such as my service has been. The Senate had no authority in their own city to do this.

I pleaded with Lord Neraeos to have my status as permanent enemy rescinded, and was told I had to publicly apologize.

I was accused by Lord Neraeos of wanting to manipulate Him into forgiveness. I had been venting my sorrows privately with family and friends, and I was listening to advice. One such piece of advice was to make an apology that was surface-level. I had already flatly denied wanting to speak anything but the truth of my heart.

I looked within myself, acknowledged my faults, and apologized to Lord Neraeos. Not for standing up for what I believe in, but for letting my emotions gain control of me in my tone, and for carrying insults left unsaid within me.

I was unenemied with a dire warning, and soon saw a long-devoted servant of Cyrene, long-time friend and former Imperiate berated, repudiated and threatened by Lord Neraeos. A mortal who has never spent a moment not in dedication to his city and his peers, and who could no longer live a lie when he finally chose to leave.

I spoke to the Queen of Arcadia, and apologized for transgressions suffered on behalf of my Cyrene, my home. I pledged to do whatever I could personally, to make amends.

I joined the Arcadian Resistance at her behest, and mopped a floor in the infirmary. Patted one of the guards on the back. I broke no oaths, I caused no harm, offered no insult.

For this, I was slain by Lord Neraeos, and enemied once more, accused of abusing benevolence, and called a leech and a festering sore.

I have suffered many deaths at the hands of Scyrian assassins, rendering no place safe. I have been killed standing in the street, standing on a ship, and standing within the sanctity of the Temple of Lord Sarapis. I am enemied to Cyrene alone, but this does not seem to matter.

During all this, I have pleaded with the Queen of Arcadia for mercy on behalf of Cyrene, and to stay her wrath as the city struggles against its bonds.

I have shouted small amusing poems about goats and the sea every time I've been murdered.

And I have, in the past, uttered the words "Down with tyranny!"

- - -

I wish to say something more. I am not and have never been an enemy to Lord Neraeos. I speak often to folk who remember Him with fondness, and would but bow by choice if I was not instead forced to kneel, and if that choice did not mean I had to sever my spine to do it.

All I have said here is true. It can be vouched for by multiple souls, and I trust the Lord Neraeos Himself will not find it less than so, and maybe see more of me than he perhaps had previously.

In this I must make a confession. When I embarked upon the path of standing up as I have, I knew full well where it could end, and did so of my own will.

I could have kept silent. Even now, perhaps I should have. For Duty to my citizens, my city, and the world, I have tempted fate, knowing that with each shouldered injustice that I could no more stand up against than a gnat could to the tempest, more of the true nature of things would be revealed, more promises reneged.

My predictions at the beginning, and indeed my motivation to stand, look true and fulfilled now. The influence of Cyrenian houses is greater diminished since the advent of Lord Neraeos' reign six or so years ago than it had ever been at the hands of all of its enemies combined. Its people rail against their bonds, and the option to vote their way out of the Dominion of Empire is ironically manifesting itself in referendum now, even as I was outcast and hunted for it.

An elected senator is ejected from office for being no longer able to stay silent, his head piked within the very city he'd serve, his name and service dragged through the mud by the caprice of an Emperor Who can only rule by force, and Whose stated benevolence is a cruel jest.

I have not willingly insulted Lord Neraeos. I have defied His will, by not obsequiously bowing to it, and asking for a better future for my people, with little more to fight with than my words. I respect His might, His incomprehensible nature. I cannot respect what is being done to my City, and I have not been given any reason to hope that it will somehow all work out.

I cannot claim to not have been frustrated by all this and not to have let that shine through at times, but the only insults I have ever proffered to Lord Neraeos were within the silent confines of my own mind, and for those I have apologized. Similarly, the only benevolence I've witnessed of the Great Lord of the Sea has been that of violent death and misery.

Yet, Lord, You force me to live a lie. For I was never an enemy to Cyrene, yet both I and my city are forced to call each other such by a hand we cannot prevent.


Ever Loyal,

Riahn Aegocerus
Sentry of the Valley



Penned by my hand on the 25th of Valnuary, in the year 981 AF.