Greetings.


As Ulvinism is spreading throughout every city and non-city, and even a few of those weird little villages with no names where people just kinda live in a group, I step forward once again to share our ways.

The Goddess Ulvin, She of the Taciturn Mien, does not wax eloquently about Herself, for She is a humble Goddess. Therefore, it is put upon Her not-so-humble servant, yours truly, to speak on Her. There are a handful of truths which I have learned while serving Her. Probably more than six, but definitely not as many as eight different truths have I learned about She Who Is The Ulvin, and I shall share them with you all.

1: Do not mention Her blessed wife upon the news, as the wife shall become wroth. Nobody wants a wroth wife.

2: The weak will attack what they do not comprehend. Suffer their blows with a polite smile, for they shall join Her followers soon enough.

3: She will not bathe in a mixture of pickled herring and cinnamon, and neither should you. It's not going to help.

4: Don't bet on 18. Maybe 22, that seems to hit pretty often unless you're playing blackjack. In that case, reverse these numbers.

5: <REDACTED>

6: if you cannot make a pile of offerings for the Goddess, a polite greeting is sufficient to make sure She doesn't eat you. Probably. It's kind of a gamble.

7: Those who take themselves too seriously will earn Her ire, or perhaps just a smirk and a rolling of the holy eyes.


In revealing these truths, I hope Her followers, and those who seek the Goddess Ulvin, will cleave closer to Her.

Penned by my hand on the 2nd of Sarapin, in the year 979 AF.