Helllloooooo my lil uns, tis' I, King Jonesey with another edition of Dear Jonesey. This episode we will try something new! I will include some of the notable nots and provide some critque on what is wrong with them so you can really have all your questions answered in the best manner!

Lets dive right in! Lets start with the bad ones first

You read what is written on an elegant white letter:
Dear Jonesey,

How do I politely tell someone to buzz off without having to resort to
violence?

~Not Mhaldorian But Willing to Kill If Need Be

Dear ~Not Mhaldorian But Willing to Kill If Need Be,

Use profanities

Love Jonesey

P.S. provide more context as I'm sure your conflict is more complicated than one sentence.

NEXTTTTTTT!!!

You read what is written on an elegant white letter:
Dear Jonesey,

How do i get over trust issues from years ago?


Dear ,

Very carefully.

Love Jonesey

P.S. Context and a signature would make this question better. Same issues as before, you would not be able to explain your trust issues to someone in a single sentence so I cannot solve your problem without more deets.

NEXT!!!!

You read what is written on an intricately embossed letter:
Dear Jonesey;

When's the next Dear Jonesey coming?

Signed

A Very Funny Guy


Dear A Very Funny Guy,

How about right now!

Love Jonesey






Thats it for the notable mentions! On with the show!

NEXT!!!!!



You see that the letter contains some gold sovereigns.
You read what is written on an elegant white letter:
Dear Jonesey,
I am poor and in need of a solution to this problem. What is your
advice? Note: I am a terrible liar and pretty much incapable of stealing
from other people sneakily. On the other hand, I am very cute and think
that begging on the street corner like an orphaned street child will
serve me well. Thoughts?

Signed,
I Need Dough


Dear I Need Dough,

If you are very cute, sounds like you have found one of your strengths. It is always important to spot your weaknesses, but it is equally important to find your strengths. By identifying that you are cute this gives you an angle to extract gold from perverts. Lucky for you, our land is teeming with pervert with more money than brains. I suggest incorportaing more TeeHees into your vocabulary as it will make these perverts feel intellectually superior to you. Is is important to stroke the ego of the intended target, and if you are feeling a bit more rambunctious, stroke something else as well.

Begging is typically reserved for those who are desperate, but if you properly use your cuteness, you can attack from a position of power. Use your cuteness to manipulate others into your bidding. Then you will have power which properly executed will lead to wealth. Once you a wealthy, then in turn you can become a pervert, seeking out a cute orphaned street child to take advantage of and the circle of life continues. This is what people mean when they say they are "giving back."

Love Jonesey


NEXT!!!!



You read what is written on an elegant white letter:
Dear Jonesey,

How do i get over trust issues from years ago?

You read what is written on an elegant white letter:
Dear Jonesey,

I am engaged to the love of my life and it is the best thing that ever
happened to me. The thing is though, I am awake a lot more than he is.
He is everything to me, my best friend and my heart, and I miss him so
much when he's gone I feel like I don't know what to do with myself. Mom
says, I just have to keep myself busy. I don't have a lot of friends
though, and I feel lonely all the time. I feel like I would have a lot
more drive, and a lot more ambition, if I felt I had a social group. I
am awkward though, and a few times I have been met with rejection. One
girl, told me not to greet her, because I "Wasn't her friend." And since
then, I have been very hesitant to reach out and try to create
friendship with anyone else. When my love is around, I feel so complete
and content. I wish he could be around always, but I know that's not how
it works. We wake when we can and I know if he could wake he would be
with me. Maybe it is not good form to spill ones guts onto paper, but I
write to you hopeful you have any advice to give me. Thank you.

- A Platinum Lady



Dear A Platinum Lady,

In order to love someone else, you must first love yourself. You must find a way to be content in your solidarity and keep yourself entertained alone. Distractions are a great way from replacing the constant reminder that you have no one with you with a fulfilling task. Some people turn to Gods, others City and Houses. I personally enjoy meeting everyone and making fun of all the looooossseeerrrssss. During the process, a magical event can happen too! You can meet someone you get along with and have a new platonic friend. This is highly unlikely, trust me I've seen the talent pool, but hey you never know. Just don't get your hopes up with these "friends."

An alternative would be to have an affair, whats better than one lover? TWO!! There is nothing better than filling that void in your heart with love, and a part time lover may fufill that void in your life. A key thing to remember with this option is that you can either be transparent with your full time lover or hide this secret in the shadows. Some people are ok with open arrangements, while others are not. I cannot speak in this situation as I do not know your lover and how they would react. The one thing I would suggest is that if they are not ok with it do it in secret and dont get caught. It's only a problem if you hide it and get caught. If you are caught, that most likely will end your relationship, and then looking back what was the point.

Love Jonesey
P.S. I am available for becoming your part time lover if you have no success or are lazy.


NEXT!!!!!!!!

You read what is written on an elegant white letter:
Dear Jonesey,

the woman who claims to have romantic feelings for me has the following
behaviour: She comes into my room and stands with me, yet, it is
difficult to keep up a conversation, since she will often take ages to
reply. She is a very busy person, and I fully understand this, and
admire her for her dedication towards House and city, but, this makes
being on date with her rather boring at times, for me. Even if we go to
some nice restaurant, or hunting, or do whatever, any conversation we
might be having is endangered to fall into pauses any moment. I have
addressed this with her, and she says she is sorry, but that she simply
has to reply to work-related tells. I understand this, and am indeed in
support of her work, and do not to be the complaining partner, and do
not want to simply leave her behind, but I am starting to feel a bit
abandoned at times. My life is not as busy as hers, and I am willing to
give her all my attention when we get to meet up, but... She is very
affectionate if she pays attention to me...if. Put there is more silence
than love.
She sadly does not wish to go off-plane or onto a ship, either, since
she wants to be reachable for her orgs.
I do think she fancies me, and she has said so numerous times, and can
be very loving, but ... I am not sure whether it makes sense to persue
this relationship further. What would Jonesey do?

Crazy In Love



Dear Crazy In Love,

You nailed it, she is busy.... busy having an affair! Think about how much work is involved with cheating! It's the most logical outcome, I mean c'mon who wants to do work instead of spend time consorting with another lover. I mean, the alternative is bleak....

The alternative is that you are dreadfully boring and really this is your problem not hers. She has to put up with your boring self. Gods, you're so boring. I mean c'mon who wants to be with a boring nag. You should work on becoming more exciting. She doesn't want to go off-planes or a ship? Don't ask! Take her away from her distractions and force her to have fun with you. She may fancy you, but you better make her show you otherwise this relationship is dead. Add some excitement to your life or find someone was equally dreary as you are.

If you think you are fun and exciting, well she is not. Perhaps you should join her organization, become her boss and make her job to love you. That way her work related tells will be about you and you can control what her assignments are.

Actually, I like this option best, do this.

Love Jonesey
P.S. If its option one, I would be willing to have an affair with her to expose that she is indeed having an affair with you. For Science of course.



NEXT!!!!!!!

You read what is written on an elegant white letter:
Dear Jonesey,

If I pull a gold bracelet out of a pyramid, I've made an archeological
find. If I pull one out of a graveyard, I'm a (EXPLETIVE). What's the waiting
period for looting the dead?

Signed,

Amature Archaeologist


Dear Amature Archaeologist,

There is no waiting period for looting the dead, remember kids its only illegal if you get caught.

Love Jonesey

P.S. Don't use no no words, I hate censorship as it is a violation of peoples rights.


PHEW we finished


We laughed, we cried, someone died and a baby was born but we got through this together. Just you and your friend Jonesey. Don't forget only I can solve these problems so write in your questions to me via a letter, provide as much context as you can, sign under a pen name or alias to protect you identity and most importantly include at least one golden sovereign, so I know you mean business.

Thanks all for another great edition of Dear Jonesey, until next time!



Penned by my hand on the 22nd of Daedalan, in the year 809 AF.