I'm led to understand that Shallam, bastion of democracy that it is, has
once again decided to vote on something. I think I speak for everyone
when I say, "Uh-oh."

Those who have been around a while know that there are two outcomes when
Shallam decides to vote. The more frequent is that most of the citizenry
is too smart to let the crazies get in the way of their lovely tea
parties, or whatever it is they do with their time. Hopefully we'll be
fortunate enough to see another such defense of hot beverages and social
gatherings from the ever-informed electorate of the Jewel.

Occasionally, however, a creative reading of the Codex or some other
archaic tome results in a creative method of vote counting, and the
crazies get their way. This is the "uh-oh" we talked about earlier.

It's not that I really care about the quantity of tea biscuits which are
consumed or the number of fires the crazies get to start, it's just that
there are some tragic side effects of the crazies being in charge.
Tragic for the children, that is.

You see, when the crazies are given even an ounce of power, a foul
swelling occurs deep in their loins. Without going into too many details
here, the rate of dead orphans with unspeakable wounds skyrockets. This
isn't really a problem, because, let's face it, what else are orphans
good for?

The issue is that the gleam producers of the world are given a sudden
spike in raw materials (gleam being made of ground up orphan bones and
delicious lemony flavoring, of course), and their production skyrockets
in response. Prices fall, and children get hooked on the sweet, sweet
gleam. Mmmm...

Now, there's really nothing we can do about the orphans. No one would
dare place themselves between a Shallamite with that certain gleam in
his eye and a child. It's simply not safe. What we can do, however, is
control the supply of the lemon flavoring which gives gleam its true
appeal.

It's with this goal in mind that I announce the forming of the
Citriphate. This organization will be used as an excuse to overlook such
things as property rights as we go on a crusade of doing whatever we
want and also burning lemon trees, should we see any.

I invite all those who care about the children (except orphans) to join
our mighty organization, so that you too may be free of pesky
restrictions such as laws and rules. Also, if you happen across a lemon,
kick is square in the face.

-Citriph Tiax

Penned by my hand on the 11th of Aeguary, in the year 490 AF.