I have one short insult to toss out before I get down to business.
Business to which you're not invited.

I have no problem with holding doors open for ladies. I do it all the
time, and practice manners that you've likely never seen. This is
because in all the time I've known you, you've been a man. Ah ha, pithy
insults apart, the time has come for the masterstroke.

While you've managed to set the kitchen on fire in a showing of
incompetence that, I won't lie, was completely expected, it has given me
an unexpected opportunity to prove yet again that the men of the CIJ
house are superior to the women of the CIJ house. Something that will
surely rock whatever flimsy foundations of feminincompoop you may have
inside you, and will one more thing to add to my list of things I've
done better than people that are supposed to be good at it. After all, I
can only assume you burned down the kitchen out of a mixture of shame
and...well, shame, there is only one direction in which things can now
go.

I challenge you to a COOKING CONTEST FACEOFF EXTRAVAGANZA.

JAMBOREE.

As per your own requests and statements, you will not have bacon,
sandwiches, monetary support, socks, aprons, or even a kitchen. After
all, you rather foiled yourself on that account, along with whatever
pages of the prized Jester cookbook you may have burned. Those drawings?
Yeah. Smooth move.

By all means, do what you can. I can only assume there's at least one
reason you've been avoiding the kitchen, and I think we've all
discovered why. Regardless, being a gentleman (I still hear this
snickers), I will offer a generous amount of help that you may request.
Nothing held against you by myself, of course, but I can't say the same
of any others that may look on.

EXHIBITION.

Additionally, should you need any cooking tips, I'm sure the cook of Dun
Fortress would be pleased to offer you tips.


-Kuntar Semshan
Master Pretender









P.S. EXPOSITION.

Penned by my hand on the 12th of Miraman, in the year 473 AF.