As the Women of the Carnivalis Institute of Jestering have become rather
unable of making at least a half-hearted response and have disappeared
off the face of the earth, I can only assume they are once again in
their right place. In the kitchen, making something I can only hope is
delicious.

Myself, being a gentleman (I hear those snickers. Don't think I don't.),
am fully willing to leave this situation behind me with these issues
being left as is. The women in the kitchen, all is as it should be in
the world. However, as I am not the only one who was involved in this
victory (I was, actually...), I have a list of demands that must be
followed if this uneasy peace is to indeed flourish, and the household's
stability will again be secure.


Dragonknight will be given blueberry or pumpkin pie upon demand. This is
non-negotiable, and upon presentation will be granted the further title,
"Master Dragonknight, Bringer of Bacon, Lover of Ladies."

Get Tiax a sandwich.

That stain had better be off the floor by the time I get back, or the
reason that Drayix is known for planting totems will become apparent.

Calithandir decrees that proper kitchen uniform when cooking is now an
apron. And nothing else. In this uniform code is not obeyed without
question, he cannot be held responsible for getting snooty.

Antras says you're only going to have two shoes, and the rest will be
used to stuff kittens into and thrown into a river. For those of you
with many shoes, this will no doubt come as something of a windfall
emotionally and fashionably.

Get Tiax another sandwich.

My own humble request is that I can get my socks washed. Having smelly
hands from puppets makes things a tad awkward when it counts, if you
understand.

Moros wants it* when he asks for it. No complaints, no whining, no
questions asked, just do it.

Additionally, an anonymous requester added that if his hand is empty, it
should remain like that no longer than it takes to get a frosty mug of
ale to fill it. This does not extend to filling both hands at once, you
crazy broad, common sense may not be common but try using it.


In the interests of not letting this house tear apart because of your
collective irrational love for doing things wrong, we have been the
bigger men and let things rest at these simple demands. If you find
yourself unable to meet these demands, we cannot be held responsible for
how the next inevitable war ends.


-General Kissy Pants, Kuntar "Manly Man" Semshan


(* it occurs to me that some of the women may not know what "it" is, so
for the sake of avoiding confusion, "it" is helping him when he has his
accidents. You ought to be familiar with them by now.)

Penned by my hand on the 11th of Aeguary, in the year 473 AF.