To My Most Esteemed and Glorious Brethren:

This is an open Declaration of BATTLE declaring that I will henceforth
be commencing the War to End All Wars, also known as "THE GREAT WAR OF
TICKLES." This War was an inevitability and though it is with a heavy
heart that I make this pronouncement, it is important to remember that
we live in the best of all possible worlds. Following from this, I must
apologize to those that will invariably become victims of this BATTLE.
It is never the intent of the righteous to unnecessarily include those
that need not be included in something as ugly as War. However, it is
also the belief of the author that All are Guilty Parties in this event.
For too long we have waged BATTLE with only our fists, swords, magic or
thorns. We have gone so far as to include countless demons, Chaos
Beings, and animals in our fruitless endeavors. As such, I declare to be
enemies all those that walk this Plane and whom wage Wanton Destruction
upon others that do the same.

Mine enemies will be met with a barrage of Tickles never before seen by
any, living or passed on. Though I now feel you trembling, I assure that
this will only last as long as needed. It is my hope that the War to End
All Wars will be over before many even read this. However, history
teaches us that BATTLES will be waged relentlessly and even in cases
where the original cause for the War is long forgotten, the fighting
rages onward. Should you fall victim to this BATTLE, please, do not
react with the Hatred that we all hold so callously. React with Joy and
Love that you have been touched by the Hands that Will Wrought Peace and
Calm throughout the Lands. React with the knowledge that your defeat was
only for a greater good.

I must apologize again to those that will be affected by this Tragedy
that we call Necessary. It is my hope that you will one day see that I
had no recourse.

Doing what needs be done,


Thaddeus, the Monger

Penned by my hand on the 9th of Sarapin, in the year 473 AF.