Inspired by recent crusades against your private lives, I have received
an enlightening message from my pineal gland. It came in a dream: "I
give you the power", the voice said, "rid the world of those who don't
clean their sphincters after defecation!".
Thus I invite you onwards in the great quest to make this world a better
place. Brothers, sisters, comrades, I am your prophet, and in my name I
invite you to peek at your brethren/sisters' panties and expose their
filth. The world deserves to know who spreads the smell of horse manure
into our nostrils.

Final word of advice to infidels: wipe.

Cheers.

Penned by my hand on the 25th of Mayan, in the year 452 AF.