It's nice to see all the other Orders so unwittingly playing right into
my hands. After all, Lord Blueberry will be most pleased!

Who is Lord Blueberry, you ask? Why, he is the greatest animal in all
the plant kingdom. Oh sure, I know what you're thinking. "BLUEBERRIES
AREN'T ANIMALS YOU TWIT, SHUT UP. GO BACK TO THE PLACE WITH ALL THE
OTHER STUPID PEOPLE, YOU STUPID PEOPLE." Tell that to my long lost
niece! She had her foot gnawed right off by one of those graceful,
beautiful monsters!

It is for this reason that the "Grand Order of the Cult of Lord
Blueberry the Magnificent, His Holiness, the Hookermeister, Master of
the Dance" is now recruiting new members. Fun!

We won't accept just anyone, though. A rigorous interview process over
the Seven Reasonable Likelihoods and knowledge of arcane forms of dance
will be required of all applicants.

And money. We want money. Big money.

Speaking of the Seven Reasonable Truths, they are as follows.


1.) The blueberry is an animal. No questions asked.

2.) Anyone questioning the blueberry's animalness, or claiming
otherwise, will learn the real meaning of the phrase, "cover your mouth
when you yawn."

3.) The statement below is absolutely true.

4.) The statement above is absolutely false.

6.) I am a man. I think I am a woman. But I am a pretty little girl with
a pretty little twirl. Tee-hee.

7.) The blueberry is a pretty little girl. No questions asked.


As such is written in the night-time story book of Lord Blueberry the
Magnificent, His Holiness, the Hookermeister, Master of the Dance.

We are among you. We are the flowers in the fields of Mhaldor. We are
the pretty little girls playing in the streets. We are the incestuous
couples on the corner. We are the bane of the disease on society known
as sobriety. We are the gleam up your nose. We are the guy who just
farted. And we will make that fart stinky.

And we shall do so with smiles on our faces.

Penned by my hand on the 7th of Mayan, in the year 449 AF.