Dear Oenone,

We all know you sewed your nipples to your eyebrows just so you could
get a closer view of your breasts. I mean, when I told you that you were
stitching people up, there was no need to start feeling left out and
stitching yourself up, although I must commend you on your usage of
using real chains to chain stitch yourself to that humgii in the Central
Oak.

Thugs? My arse. If and when we beat you up in this esteemed contest, we
shall do it in style. Rock on.

Yours, etc.,

Cardinal Xaviere Ximinez, Lady Moncrieff-Byron

Penned by my hand on the 22nd of Sarapin, in the year 433 AF.