I must say that I do enjoy reading those "apologies" on the public
newsboard. They're essentially all the same, when you get down to it.
I've decided to construct this form letter to save everyone a little
time, since these blanket public apologies are all so similar, and just
as uninteresting as the last. Please use this letter in future:

I've (been gone for a while/will be gone for a while/have been kicked
out of my city) and I'm terribly sorry for all the bad things I've done
and all the people I've (hurt/killed/cheated on/betrayed/stolen from).
Please, please, please find it in your hearts to forgive me because I've
(changed my ways/considered suiciding/decided to suicide/decided to
leave my city, family, Guild/House forever).

My strange behavior was a result of (temporary insanity/demonic
possession/hormonal imbalance/me trying to 'find myself' with as many
sexual partners as possible, and it didn't hurt anyone anyway, so what's
the big deal?) I just hope that you can all forgive me as I start my new
life (as a new Class/in a new city/as a lamp in a creepy house
somewhere).

Enjoy.

Astaroth

Penned by my hand on the 3rd of Valnuary, in the year 425 AF.