Achaeans, I come before you today with a matter of the most dire
importance.

Yes, more important than whether or not you left the gas on in the
stove.

...no, not more important than meatloaf day at the Crystal Leaf Inn.
Okay. Not the most dire importance. But still pretty dire.

Today I saw something that made it all very clear as to what exactly was
going on in Kamleikan. Oh, certainly, we all thought they were the
peaceful ice dwellers with the nice reindeer and walrusii. But now we
should know better.

These so-called 'gentle reindeer' are not gentle at all. They thirst for
blood. They will cut down the closest adventurer in the blink of an eye,
and they will bathe in the ensuing bloodbath. I have see this happen! I
have seen the young massacred in an instant by these deceptively docile
reindeers.

Don't be taken in by their blank stares, frightened eyes, and gentle
demeanor!

They will turn on you and rip out your throat in an instant.

Clearly, this is no mere coincidence. No, that would be far
too...coincidental. The Kamleikans are plotting a world takeover by use
of their battle reindeer, cleverly bred and raised in disguise.

RAISED ON MORTAL FLESH.

Don't let yourselves be lulled into a false sense of security in the
great white north, it is nothing but great black folly. The reindeer are
about. And they hunger.

-Chief Safety Inspector, Baron Kuntar "Sally Kissy Pants", "Bearer of
Chicken" "That Freak Who Keeps Ratting" Semshan, Reindeerologist.

Penned by my hand on the 15th of Aeguary, in the year 425 AF.