In about twelve months' time, it will have been exactly one century
since a group of armed bandits, hidden deep within the beautiful
Aureliana forest, preyed upon a young, na?ve, and unfortunately generous
jester. After they absconded with him back to their secret lair, and
proceeded to metaphorically rape his innocent mind, and leave his
battered corpse upon the ground, they saw fit to steal my pants.

I will not stand for such insults. You may break my bones, you may spill
my blood, you may burst my organs, but do not dare touch my pants. Thus,
I call upon all those in the world who believe in doing what's right,
who believe in the dignity of a man's pants, who enjoy a good bloodbath,
and who seek to advance the cause of vengeance, to join with me, and aid
me in my long awaited revenge against these monsters.

I now speak directly to the men who saw fit to relieve me of my most
prized pants. I have bided my time for many years, but I have not
forgotten the most grievous insult which you delivered upon me. This
will not stand. Sleep well these coming nights, secure in your secret,
trap-laden hideout, but know that I will come for you, and I will have
my revenge. I, and those who aid me, will rip apart your bodies, as you
did mine, and though I will not sink so low as to make off with your
pants, I will partake in the tradition of jesters long before me, and
make funny faces at your corpses. You have been warned.

Friends, enemies, vague acquaintances, I ask you all to put aside our
differences, or lack thereof, that you may join me in this, my quest for
my very dignity. I shall inform the realms of the exact time of my
planned attack as the date approaches.

-High Hooligan, Tiax Drac'Kal

Penned by my hand on the 24th of Phaestian, in the year 402 AF.