I've decided that it is time to share the secrets of the Amazing Tiax
Combat Strategy with the world. Aren't you just the lucky little
bastards?

The Amazing Tiax Combat Strategy has allowed me to use the power of my
exceptional cowardice to guide me through more than a few sticky
situations throughout the years. If you undertake the daunting task of
learning these secrets, you too can draw on the power of your cowardice,
fear, and outright wimpiness.

Beginners
=========
The Amazing Tiax Combat Strategy is similiar in many ways to the
strategies of Sapience's top combatants. They have, over many grueling
years of painful combat trained their bodies to respond reflexively to
many situations in combat. Instead of training myself to, say sip a vial
or eat an herb when I find myself under attack, I took a new, and
somewhat unorthodox approach. The true power of the Amazing Tiax Combat
Strategy lies in it's uniqueness. When I find myself under attack, I am
able to curl up into the fetal position, slowly rock back and forth, and
whimper like a wounded puppy. I can do all of this without even having
to think. It is as natural to me as stabbing babies is to a Mhaldaathi.

Of course, you cannot expect to perform a three stage response like mine
on your first try. It is very important that you stick to the basics
when you're starting out. Novices trying to be fancy can lead to many
unfortunate things, such as bruised kidneys, accidental
self-impregnation and involuntary attempts by your spine to escape your
body - through your anus (and no one wants that last one, with the
possible exception of some Apostates, who I hear are into that sort of
thing).

The basic Amazing Tiax Combat Strategy involves curling your body into
the fetal position, just like you were back in your mother's womb, and
then silently wishing that she had never been so cruel as to pop you out
into this painful world. You then remain in this position and hope that
whatever was attacking you goes away before you die. Once your assailant
has left, you slowly climb to your feet, and run home crying and find
someone to hold you and give you some hard candy. Grandmothers work well
for this.

Practice
========
It is not advisable to go out and pick a fight with a powerful opponent
on your first try. You will likely not yet be up to the challenge, and
your cowering may not be sufficient to guide you to safety. Thus, one
must find weaker opponents to develop one's skills against. For your
first effort, I reccomend sucker punching a kitten to get the fight
started, and then making your attempt at the position. With luck, the
punch will have weakened the kitten, and you will be able to survive
even without perfect form. COntinue to find stronger opponents as you
improve.

Advanced Moves
==============
After enough practice, you will be able to incorporate extra moves into
your strategy. As I expained i nthe introduction, I employ a three stage
strategy of cowering, slow rocking and whimpering. Other options include
thumb sucking, clingling to stuffed animals, or even adding in some
manly tears. One must be careful to not jump from the simple to the
extremely complex too quickly. Add in a single item at a time, and
always be sure to remember your basics.

Additionally, the Amazing TIax Combat Strategy can be modified for group
combat. For example, if you find yourself with a strong ally. Cling to
their leg, with your eyes tightly closed, and cry out "Are the mean men
gone yet?" Once two of you have staved off your enemies, have your
friend carry you back to your city, and make you some hot chocolate and
read you a story. Then, you can brag to your friends about how mighty
you are.

Frequently Asked Question
=========================
Many of you out there might think you've already got a good combat
strategy. You'll be asking, "But Tiax, I've already got a great
strategy! I can beat up my opponents like a priest on an orphan who
won't stop asking for candy! Why should I bother to change?"

The simple answer to this is that the Amazing Tiax Combat Strategy is
the only combat strategy that proclaims itself to be amazing right in
the name! Also, it comes with my name in the title! Whenever you see my
name on something, you can be assured of its exceptional mediocrity
(with the exception of my ill-fated puppy-flavored pudding treats, those
just don't count). No other combat strategy has a name as prestigious as
mine, and if they do, I'll make mine longer! Also, the Amazing Tiax
Combat Strategy is easily modified to suit any situation!

-Tiax, Grandmaster of Cowardly Combat and Stuff

Penned by my hand on the 13th of Daedalan, in the year 394 AF.