Greetings after a long period of silence, Stressed Ones.

I had an extremely painful and uneventful run-in with plums.
Unfortunately, the fish swam away from the smell whilst I was fishing.

Damn you, plums.


My food troubles have given me more to think of on ways to relax the
stress that stresses your overstressed lives. You know, because stress
is bad. With the object of these techniques are simply stated, we shall
move onto the subject of thought.

To begin, assume the position. 'The position' in question is up to
question, it would most likely be the most comfortable one for you.
Whether this is a decidedly sexual position or sitting about like a bump
on a log, whichever is most comfortable. Now think, really hard. REALLY
hard. Giving-yourself-a-headache hard.


For those of you wondering why you just gave yourself a damn headache,
it's a precautionary step for those who aren't stressed. The techniques
and thoughts discussed within these posts are so intense that not being
in the proper state of mind may cause your mind to combust, much like
the kiwi fruit explodes with flavour. Except that it's good in the sense
of the fruit, and probably painful in the sense of the mind. Remember,
respect the kiwi.

Moving on!

Inspired by a recent post, today's discussion is on flatulance. What is
it, and how does it help?

Simply put, flatulance is bad stress leaving the body. There are plenty
of those who claim that flatulance is bad, something to be ashamed
of...even smelly! Only one of these things is true, and only in select
situations.

Why does flatulance smell bad?
Because bad stress, manifested in a physical form, becomes a colorless
gas. This colorless gas has been smelled in many places, notably sewers,
piles of horse manure, and Mhaldor. This is not to say that Mhaldor is a
bad city, or that their sanitation services are somehow lacking, merely
that activities that take place within its boundaries may cause of a lot
of bad stress.

How does flatulance help me in every day society?
If one is not flatulant, then one can never really be free of stress.
Flatulance is your body's way of telling you "Stress level critical! She
cannae take much more! Release pressure!". This pressure is released in
the form of concentrated methane gas, commonly and crudely referred to
as the action of 'farting'. But in our modern society, this action is
frowned upon, whereas it is a necessary function for our continued
health.

To conclude this oddly worded and thought out session of meditation,
some advice. Next time you find yourself in a public situation and
stress is searching for a release, just do it. It'll be fun.


May Rubber Ducky be with you!

Penned by my hand on the 17th of Valnuary, in the year 392 AF.