Greetings everyone, Im sorry to clog the news board with this, but there
is something I would like to say. This is really only directed at a few
of you, so really I ask the majority of you to skip this post, it really
is meaningless and a waste of time for you and probably everyone else.

I have found out recently how little people know me, even my dearest
friends that I hold so tighty to my heart and I tell even my deepest
darkest secret to dont know me. Im not exactly a secretive person, my
views and thoughts are pretty much there for anyone that wants to hear
them (few of you I know that is) and yet how can I be judged so wrongly?
I know Im not easy to understand, I know that my mind normally jumps so
quickly from one thing to the next and I seem to speak whatever comes to
mind (this I do not ask forgiveness for, I am who I am and I speak what
I wish to speak, do not think that how quickly I do speak is in anyway
in connection with thinking before I speak), I know I have hurt many of
you and in no way did I ever mean to hurt any of you. There are times in
life where you must follow your heart and your mind and your spirit, no
matter what may come of it in the end. I regret nothing I have done, I
look back and think maybe I shouldnt of yes, but at the time I did what
I thought was the best thing to do be it selfish or not. Had my time
again would I do the same, if I knew what I knew now? Of course not, I
think differently now so why shouldnt I act differently?

Silence is the most cruelest answer, we are taught to always ask
questions even if we think they may be silly and yet is silence even a
reasonable response to a question? Even snubbing is a form of answer but
to hear nothing but the passing breeze? Even my enemies I would never
treat this way. I asked a reasonable request, or atleast I thought it
was reasonable, merely to redeem myself. I asked for nothing but the
opportunity to set right what should never have been wrong, I did not
ask for this to be forgotten (although it seems that maybe it is what
they want), to pretend it never happened. We are all individuals, we all
think and feel different things, we all have different beliefs. I
understand what happened, atleast as much as I can given the silence
answer of my question.

I travel this land greatly, Ive been a loyal member of so many
organisations, but never did I ever want to leave behind ill feelings
(although I know I did, and I am sorry) but I did what needed to be
done. Punish me for my beliefs? Punish me because this is how I see the
world? I wanted to step back, to see things from a different angle. I
cant step into someone elses shoes but that doesnt mean I cant step out
of my own. Forgive me because I am not a mind reader, forgive me because
I am just a normal little dwarf. I hold myself no higher than others
(someday I hope you will understand why I dislike rank so much, well, I
mean holding it myself, I understand its value)

I feel betrayed, I know that it must seem weird to think that the one
accused of being a betrayer may indeed feel it herself, but it is. I
lost my heart that day, because of one little simple thing. I lost even
my will to live. Our physical beings might return to us as the Vertani
speak, but what happens to the death of our souls? Does that return?
What is the point of being able to be brought back to life when we are
but a empty shell of what we were. Slowly but surely we drift away from
life and memory and soon there really is no return because to return
would merely be to bring back why we drifted in the first place. That,
my kin, is the most scariest death of all, I would rather die (as the
term speaks) than lose my soul.

Today Vertani, I call you kin, I know how it feels. What is done is done
and be it good, ill or indeference intentions, people will never want to
hear the why and if they do, it is merely to make conversation. What you
say in the end doesnt matter and never will. I envy you and your death,
although I know to die would never be, I still want to make right the
wrongs although I see no way in how I can achieve this. Im not the
smartest person on Sapience, in fact I think that even a blade of grass
could hold more intelligence than I. I am lost, sadly I always have been
but now I have nothing. I wanted nothing true, but I would like to put
my spirit to peace.

I do not ask your forgiveness or even your understanding, what you did
you did for a reason too. I have said I was sorry and tried to say my
side but you wouldnt listen. The apology is still there, I neednt say it
again. Allow me simply to see why you have treated me this way? so I
know that atleast my words have been heard.

Sadly,

Akechi Amara

Penned by my hand on the 18th of Mayan, in the year 387 AF.