I first posted this on the Church Board, But in light of recent
events.... I felt the need to post here.

"Do Not Judge Me, For My Sins."

Hello All... You think Gleam and you think "thats a Mhaldorian and
Ashtan drug, No Church member or Good Person would touch it".... Well
you are
wrong, Very Wrong. I am a Priestess and I was a Gleam user. I kept it a
secret from everyone, cause I was afraid to bring my problems to someone
else. I was afraid to be outguilded and throw in the trash. I was afraid
to lose everything I worked for. I got clean.... But It costed me. I
lost all my riches and my savings. I came clean to everyone and I lost
friends and some family... I thought I'd lose my guild, but they where
the ones that stayed behind me and supported me. They forgave me. So
this is my support to all that might be a hidden User or thinking of
being one. I do hope that what I write will help someone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Letter I sent to Arithorn:
I'm not sure how to start this, but overall..... I wasn't very priestly
in the past. I had many addictions, because of the company I kept. I was
addicted to Gleam. The one drug, That I wanted to rid our world of.
Because its made by the deaths of Innocents. So I killed little Orphans,
taking the drug. The first time was cause I was being forced into it.
Peer Pressure. Peer Pressure also caused me to hunt innocents and
innocent people. I killed about 3 Innocent people and it may of not been
my hand, but it was my vials and herbs that helped the attacker. No, I
never really used my own hands to kill anyone, I never used my guild
skills to kill them and I never gave blessing to anyone. I was there, I
didn't stop it, and I reaped the rewards of the kill. More Gold for
Gleam. The second time I used Gleam was cause I didn't like the
withdraws. The third time was also withdraws. I couldn't deal with the
withdraws and being able to get it easily. So I had to go off plane and
disappear without notice. I knew what it would take to get over the
withdraw without dying, cause I had help my friend make it through the
withdraws. I made it through them ok. I still didn't want to return,
cause of my guilt. I broke the rules, I broke the oaths.... I sat alone,
with my guardian angel Teles, Thinking about what I did and how I was
going to make up for my demons. I returned and started to find the ones
I remembered I helped kill. I apologized, Gave them gold, Herbs, my
vials, my clothing. I promised never to contact them again, because I
actually werided them out when I came back and start to apologize. I
refuse to give names, because I will not drag them back into this. Since
I've been back, I've join Shallam again to stay safe and clean. I
haven't touched Gleam or even Cactus Weed (Tho. I never did Cactus Weed
in the past). I haven't killed anything, but rats, because I'm too
afraid to harm anyone again. I've been working on being What a Priestess
should be. I hope that you don't disguild me, because that would be the
death of me. I want to make right, what I did in my Demon past. Which is
why I have been researching about Gleam and trying to stop people from
trying it.

I'm sorry about everything I did and I know that its probally not good
enough. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I do believe I deserve
your understanding and that you'll allow me to be a priestess still, as
I am walking in the light now and I refuse to stray again.

I haven't even told my family any of this, tho. They are next to know.
Its just my guild was my first family and so they are first to know.

I'm sorry.

Sincerly,
Reina Kalvar

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gleam came into our world fast and hard. It hit without notice and many
people where curious about it, Not heeding the warnings that it was
Highly addictive. What is Gleam? Well its a drug, far worse then Cactus
Weed. It is made in Ashtan, From the glands of Orphans.... Horrible,
Right? At first glance its a white powder like sustenance, It doesn't
seem very bad. You snort it and everything seems to calm abit. It's
takes away the bad and makes everything good, Its just an Illusion
really, cause once you come down, everything is bad again. It makes you
not sleeply and impossible to be put to sleep. It sometimes makes your
Dexterity better, but It causes Muscle twitches, and Hallucinations.
Death usually is a result, cause you can't stop taking it... You end up
overdosing. Its horrible, even one sniff can get you hooked. You become
addicted and it's horrible to not take it. You sit there and suddenly
you vomit... Alot. Then your skin crawls and its annoying. Your stomach
hurts, you shiver and cry. You want it to stop.... So you take it again
and everything is better.... for a time. Then it starts again, you can't
stop, you're in too deep. Now you just take it to stop the withdraws,
You cry and feel horrible. You begin to think.... Why me? Why did I put
it to my nose...... WHY? Your gold starts to lessen as you find you
don't have time to hunt and earn gold, you need that time to use, Your
habit is expensive. Your family notices something is wrong, but they
dismiss it. Everything is spinning out of control. You thought you had
control at the beginning, but now all you have is the urge to use and
use and use. It's all down hill, you start to sell your loyals,
clothing, your own body. You begin to kill for the gold, Kill to get the
high.

This is just my personal experience with it. It can be different for
everyone, But Its moreless the basic similars.

Now you think, Hey I'll go buy tons of it and feed it to a humgii....
WRONG. By buying the drug from the dealers, you are giving them more
gold to produce more product. You think you are helping, but really your
are encourageing them to produce more. Which means more Ophrans hurt and
killed to put more Gleam on the streets. So don't even waste your gold
on it, cause by doing so you are actually helping the dealers and doing
bad, not good.

Gleam is something you think you can control, but ultimately you
can't... It controls you. So PLEASE becareful if you stray to that path,
tho. I hope that no one does. If you feel you are, I am always open to
speak with about it and Help. Even if you are addicted and want help,
Speak up... I will help you and I am certain the Church and your Guild
will help you also. Have the courage to say I need Help. Don't be afraid
to speak up. If you have any questions or comments, Please Send me a
Tell, Letter, or Message.

Sincerly,
Reina Legacy


Penned by my hand on the 11th of Chronos, in the year 387 AF.