Greetings, future slaves of Tiax!

As you are most likely not aware, I will soon be taking over the world.
I know what you're thinking, "He's just some silly loser who should shut
up and go away! If he tries to take over anything, crush his skull like
the grape that it is." All I can say to that is "Oh yeah? well...shut
up!" Now then, where was I?

Ah, yes! My long and prosperos riegn as grand Nabob of Most Things!
(That will be my official title, and will be borne on all official seals
and T-shirts, for those who are curious) What will things be like during
this Golden Age of Tiax-dom? Will you, my many subjects/underlings, have
to do anything differnt? Well, lucky for you, you can stop thinking
about these questions before someone gets hurt, as I have compiled a
quick list of what your life will be like as a Slave of Tiax.

1. All Slaves of Tiax (you) will be required to wear a silly hat at all
times. All slaves caught wearing a hat that does not meet silly
standards will be beheaded and turned into an extremely silly, though
somewhat gruesome hat.

2. All Slaves of Tiax (you again) will be required to wear pants on
tuesday, if this is a real problem for you, you should probably seek
mental help.

3. All Slaves of Tiax (still you, unless you broke rule number 1) will
recieve free cookies. Yum...cookies.

4. All Slaves of Tiax (you once again) will be required to use ducks as
shoes. Hopefully, this will result in free boots of waterwalking for
everyone, if my research is correct.

5. Britches will not ride up so wedge-like. This will be accomplished by
creating what I like to call 'smart-britches,' wich will detect and
wedge-like up-riding and self destruct immediately. This might hurt the
first few times, but you'll get used to it.

27. Lists of rules will not be required to advance in numerical order

110243. Finally, everything will be painted plaid. Anything not plaid
will be flogged vigoursly and then painted plaid.

Any concerns about these items should be addressed to the voices in your
head, as they will likely provide more accurate answers than I will.

~Tiax, Future Nabob of Most Things

Penned by my hand on the 2nd of Chronos, in the year 363 AF.