This will be the last that most of you shall here of me for a long time.
I would make this short and sweet, but I feel that would make things
inexplicably abrupt. Something you should know about me, as a person,
not the screw-up who accidently killed a newbie less than a month ago or
the reckless unmarried girl who got herself pregnant or the Runewarden
who's blended into the background and hardly seen making herself useful.
I know all these things. In my own heart and personal view point, I do.

I grew up in Ithmia, during a time when I lived away from the man whom
you know as my Father. I spent my entire childhood in that forest,
living with five other siblings, all adopted like myself, a human by the
name of Darius was our Father then. Amongst my siblings, I was closest
to my eldest brother Lias, sister Meia and a fellow Atavian by the name
of Cyrus. Possibly because of we had the most in common, Cyrus and I
were inseparable. We did almost everything together and needless to say,
our feelings had become more than just 'brother-sister'. Darius often
left home, presumably to work because when he returned days later, he
would have money and food for us. Possibly our childhood bliss led to
complacency, we never asked where the money or food or anything he
brought back came from, only accepting it with thanks and great
happiness. Only in my now more wordly-wise mind do I realise the
possibility that he was involved in a trade that was dangerous and
possibly illegal.

Sometime in Sarapin, just before my sixteenth birthday, Darius passed
away. He was murdered just outside the house and we only discovered his
body long after it had gone cold and his blood had turned to ice on the
snow. We were devasted of course, but Cyrus.... How I hate and love his
reckless, fiery soul... was so shaken, so angry at this... that before
more than a week had passed, he had left home. Before any of us did.
With nothing more than a brief fair well, and a passing promise to
return, he disappeared from our lives. Yet some part of him lingered in
my heart and mind long after he had gone. None of you will believe this,
in those years... since I was sixteen, I kept an emotional distance from
other men. I waited for a long time, believing that Cyrus would look for
me. But he didn't. Eventually, I myself set out for a time during my
novicehood looking for him, even as far up as the Tundra, but without a
lead, I had no chance.

They say that you never forget the feelings you have for any person you
might have loved before. And I can swear by this, because of this
decision. The reason why I am in the condition I am today, is because I
stopped searching and tried to let go of Cyrus and find myself in the
arms of another man too fast and too forcefully. Whether my actions were
taken out of lust, loneliness, or just some kind of warped, very needy
and brief love, I don't know. The trip I am about to take shall allow me
to sort my own feelings out and see if this is how I really want to
live. I don't know when I will return, and (when I do), whether I will
stay for long. Possibly, I shall make return trips to feed Dazil the
mule and check up on Cyrus (the falcon), and also to see how you all are
doing but I am unlikely to stay.
Those of you who know me, personally and know of my current condition
would object violently to this. I know. It's early. And I should try to
wait a few more months.... however....

News of Cyrus has finally reached my ears via Meia who is still living
in Delos. She has met up with my eldest brother and I have agreed to go
with him to try and track Cyrus down once again. Yes, I know that you
think I am in no condition to travel, and I would very much feel
inclined to agree, however, this is something that has hounded me since
the day Cyrus left home to seek out Darius' killer. Even if this is the
most minute chance, I still want to take it. Not only for myself, but
for him as well. To at least let him know that I still care.

Until I find Cyrus and gain some closure in this matter, I fear that I
shall not return for good. I know, I hurt and disappoint many by doing
this, especially Daddy, my brothers, Aunty Kitt, Grandma and all my
other friends and family. I also know I disappoint my guildmates as
well. I can only offer my most sincerest apologies and promise to return
'someday' and that when I do, I shall bring my child back as well. Till
then I shall keep you in my prayers, and think of you always. Till then,
Algiz protect all who walk in the ways of Light and the Father of my
people, Vastar grant you all wings to soar above all troubles and skies.


The Wind Seeker, Tariel Ninquelote-Xanatov, Initiate of Honour

Penned by my hand on the 1st of Aeguary, in the year 340 AF.