I, Saruman, on this 100th anniversary of the day of my birth and
creation in this realm, have celebrated by purchasing every shot of
tequila and wiskey at the Fire and Spice store. Having imbibed every
single glass, as well as some extra champagne and cactus weed, and
having survived all of it without death from poisoning, I do hereby
crown myself as Achaea's Lord of the Drink. Let those who partake of the
drink weep before mightiness of my century old puissant liver, and know
that it is the mightiest in the lands!

Penned by my hand on the 25th of Aeguary, in the year 314 AF.