You wouldn't be able to measure
As your height would always be "eight"
And the carpenter would do no work
As his lathe would always be late.

Asking How? would mutate
Into a squeal of "Ow!"
And instead of taking in a show
You'd be taking in a "sow".

Your neighbour would come round
For a long and friendly "cat"
And at the end of a busy day
You'd soak in a nice warm "bat".

You'd use "Cain" to bind someone.
You'd suffer kicks to your "sin".
If you followed your diet well
You'd end up looking "tin".

When unpleasant things occurred,
You'd call them "terrible socks",
And to woo your sweet new girlfriend,
You would buy "a box of cocs".

Some tings we never appreciate
Until teir no longer tere.
So for te umble letter "h"
I pray, a tougt, you spare.

Penned by my hand on the 10th of Sarapin, in the year 385 AF.