I once knew a girl
Who liked a walnut swirl,
Chocolate lemons and peanut butter
Always made her little heart flutter;
She had a face like bream
And when the people came round
She'd never want to be seen:
Our crazy corny Eglantine.

She lived in a house
That was far too small;
The cats couldn't swing even if they tried
So she suffocated them until they died,
But this was of boredom, mind,
Said our crazy corny Eglantine.

Her bedroom smelt of dire old roses
But her hair did stink of Seleucarian brine,
And men would always have to choke
Then stay right down at Eglantine's,
But then you see that she's still here,
Our crazy corny Eglantine.

The city guard turned a black blind eye
Because they ran out of others
When she made sure of that,
And all her little sisters and brothers
Went to the orphanage, because it was better there
Than to stay next to their big sister's local affair,
Their crazy corny Eglantine.

So when Eglantine comes round to you
With a nice ripe smile and sweet perfume,
Get ready for the half-show sovereign supreme,
The Special Recipe, Double Voyria's a dream.

Men never go near her anyway
But she makes a nice little Delosian sundae:
"Eat up sweetie, just ripe for you,
Special recipe, double voyria to chew,
Then an aperitif with a brick round your head
And soon you'll be ready to go to bed,
'Cause Eggy's dinner dates are with the dead..."

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The Poet Xaviere, Lady Moncrieff-Byron

Penned by my hand on the 1st of Lupar, in the year 366 AF.