Oh, I have a great big lake,
It's lovely and it's wet,
And I don't mind the snakes,
I'll have them as my pets.

The lake is rather big, it seems -
To go on endlessly,
With ghosts and apparitions all
To join me for some tea.

They call me "Lord" as I walk past,
They smile and bow away,
It seems that all I'm missing is,
A lawn and some croquet.

Of course there's Mrs. Dona,
Who lives just up the street,
She tries to be good, bless her,
She just needs to find her niche...

And Gladius the Dark Knight
Nice fellow, good at hunting,
And the crocodile below us,
Keeps us up with all his grunting.

But despite the quirky neighbours,
And the problem with the damp,
I love my lake of shrouding mists,
And there I've set up camp.

So if you see me sitting there,
A tea cup in my hands,
Just humour my strange fancies,
And step into my lands.

Join me for some tea and cakes,
And play a game or two,
And let me show you my estate,
Let me pretend it's true.

And then when you have journeyed home,
And with your friends you chat,
Then can you say, "Oh, that Vorn!
He's as crazy as his hat!".

Vorn Lorenis, Master of the Lake, The Wizard with a Hat.

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Penned by my hand on the 3rd of Ero, in the year 314 AF.