Well well well, the Achaean times are so popular that they need some competetion. And boy do i deliver. I got something Thakren couldn't, an interview with Epicurus. This goes as follows, unabridged, and un...un-something. Anyway....

uhmm
Ok, lets try again
here we go Jinkar: "So Epicurus, seen Thakren's disrespectful article about you and Damaris?"
Epicurus: "Yes I have, that disrespectful little whelp!"
Jinkar: "Now now, he's not a bad guy. Anyway, what is the real story about you and Damaris? I am on your side, so worry not. You don't make up stories about travelling the world do you?
Epicurus: "Of course not. I will not have my integrity insulted by that insolent and unkempt....no, I am better than not, I will not insult Damaris as she did me"
Jinkar:"Very interesting indeed, well, I believe you. Now, about you and her having a relationship and even a son? Whats with that?"
Epicurus: " I suspect that was a creation of Thakren or Damaris to make me look bad, or possibly the Ratman. We did not have a relationship, much less a son. She was my student, it would have been to awkward. I will admit that she is quite beautiful and I was tempted, but prudence ruled my psyche."
Jinkar: "Ah. Well, whats with those backscratchers?"
Epicurus: "I don't really want them, but they make great firewood."
Jinkar: "*blink* I see...you hinted about a dispute between you and the Ratman earlier?."
Epicurus: "Yes indeed. He used to be my best friend, and I told him to give up wasting his money by paying people for dead rats, its not like he uses them. Last I knew they were just thrown back into the sewers."
Jinkar: "And you are enemies because of that?"
Epicurus: "Yes, the fool took it personally. Now please leave, I have more important matters to attend to."

With that I left, not having got much from Epicurus other than the Achaean Times are mere tabloids and the Achaean Gazette is the way to go. Also, I came across something interesting...how sharks can get to the pools.
See, its a rather simple process, I followed one once. First, then beach themselves, and when nobody is looking, burrow underground. Now, this isn't nomrally important until the tide comes in and they resurface, and, again when nobody is looking, use their teeth to grab hold of trees and other objects. Slowly but surely, they make their way to the pools, burrowing when necessary to hide from people. Now of course, I was able to follow them because I am a troll and they must have thought I was ugly enough to be one of them.
I took no offense, this was the story of a lifetime. Once in the pool though, they noticed the blood coming from a cut, and I was quickly devoured, but I got the last laugh. Sarapis the Logos revived me as he had done so many times before, so I offered a few things to Him. It isn't much but I usually do not offer to Sarapis (but that does not make Him any less important, for He is the Creator, for those whose faith in Him may be waning which it shouldnt).
Well, the Editorial Dept (me) is on a labor strike and the Supervisor (me) has decided to give into their demands. Until next time, if I ever clear this business up with me!

Penned by my hand on the 22nd of Mayan, in the year 247 AF.