Achaean News
-This- will cause an explosion
Written by: Page Zargoth Bubbletwist, the Thrice-Feathered
Date: Monday, October 6th, 2025
Addressed to: The Verdant Wilds of Eleusis
Oh Eleusis,
I remember when I first learned about the village when I was gathering stag horn in the Eastern Ithmia. I sensed a terrible stench and heard wild noises worse than what it's like when Hashani's menagerie beasts are ill.
Yet this small hamlet became an even bigger thorn in my side. Not too long ago, your attack dog Grulk took it upon himself to nip at my heels because of my penchant for bombs.
And now even Vothaec wants a whole slew of savages after me and other lovers of explosives.
To that I say, you've seen nothing yet.
Clearly you're afraid of the irreparable damage I'd do to the forests, but it's not without a purpose! It'll be good to calm your fears and allow me to share with you the future I hope for your soon to be ex village!
Behold! I present to you the unpublished building plans I had after PEACE: the Zargoth Safari and Grill!!!
Imagine it. Large iron gates where the Eleusian Gatehouse once stood, with wildlife on display on either side of a pathway. Elk, boar, goose, and whatever other beasts my hired trappers can find from the local forests. It would look so majestic as they roamed within the forested area within the grounds.
And there would be bombs to throw as well.
Because I believe in audience participation! So visitors could throw concussion bombs at the animals they wish to feast upon! It would be important to have them unconscious before they're butchered of course! I can't have my staff just chase their food like savages for the grill.
At the end of the path however is the coup de grace: a large open fire pit to roast the game. I'm sure we can find some elder tree kindling to keep that fire burning all day long!
And whatever pieces of elder wood isn't fit for the fire we can sell as little trinkets in the gift shop. No reason to waste any bark for the sake of profit!
So please, don't just think of the destruction that can be wrought, think of the future, Eleusis. Don't just think of P.E.A.C.E. but the PIECE of roast meat you can enjoy in the aftermath.
Oh, I almost forgot. Kids and ex Eleusians can eat for free! Isn't that a deal?
Let me know if you want to reserve any priority seating on opening day
Zargoth Bubbletwist
Jester Entrepreneur Extraordinaire!
Penned by my hand on the 24th of Daedalan, in the year 987 AF.
-This- will cause an explosion
Written by: Page Zargoth Bubbletwist, the Thrice-Feathered
Date: Monday, October 6th, 2025
Addressed to: The Verdant Wilds of Eleusis
Oh Eleusis,
I remember when I first learned about the village when I was gathering stag horn in the Eastern Ithmia. I sensed a terrible stench and heard wild noises worse than what it's like when Hashani's menagerie beasts are ill.
Yet this small hamlet became an even bigger thorn in my side. Not too long ago, your attack dog Grulk took it upon himself to nip at my heels because of my penchant for bombs.
And now even Vothaec wants a whole slew of savages after me and other lovers of explosives.
To that I say, you've seen nothing yet.
Clearly you're afraid of the irreparable damage I'd do to the forests, but it's not without a purpose! It'll be good to calm your fears and allow me to share with you the future I hope for your soon to be ex village!
Behold! I present to you the unpublished building plans I had after PEACE: the Zargoth Safari and Grill!!!
Imagine it. Large iron gates where the Eleusian Gatehouse once stood, with wildlife on display on either side of a pathway. Elk, boar, goose, and whatever other beasts my hired trappers can find from the local forests. It would look so majestic as they roamed within the forested area within the grounds.
And there would be bombs to throw as well.
Because I believe in audience participation! So visitors could throw concussion bombs at the animals they wish to feast upon! It would be important to have them unconscious before they're butchered of course! I can't have my staff just chase their food like savages for the grill.
At the end of the path however is the coup de grace: a large open fire pit to roast the game. I'm sure we can find some elder tree kindling to keep that fire burning all day long!
And whatever pieces of elder wood isn't fit for the fire we can sell as little trinkets in the gift shop. No reason to waste any bark for the sake of profit!
So please, don't just think of the destruction that can be wrought, think of the future, Eleusis. Don't just think of P.E.A.C.E. but the PIECE of roast meat you can enjoy in the aftermath.
Oh, I almost forgot. Kids and ex Eleusians can eat for free! Isn't that a deal?
Let me know if you want to reserve any priority seating on opening day
Zargoth Bubbletwist
Jester Entrepreneur Extraordinaire!
Penned by my hand on the 24th of Daedalan, in the year 987 AF.