There is a monster hidden in the depths of me
It lurks and wanders, calm when distracted
When the world slows and the days grow dull, it stirs

Great hands reaching, grabbing thrashing out from me
Grasping for an anchor to hold me to the world
Anything close is just a step
Anyone within reach a way forward

I am not in control

Temper. Pause. Breathe.
Find your center, remember who they are
See your worth in their eyes, understand your value

Head pounding, the creature's panic, ebbs
My thoughts are my own, my feelings mine to control
I am back in myself and I reach for something to grasp

I am alone, I am not in control

The quiet sounds deafening within a trembling thought
I am not needed, though I am not for want but this
I am not chosen. I am failing. I am falling.

I reach for something

They gave, and I find myself of purpose
She returned, and I am no longer pressed for time

When darkness stole me
When Evil forged my thoughts
When nothing held hope or favour

She gave me a Light

I grasp a thought
I hold a faith
I can see past the oppression

Until such a time as hands are mine to hold
Belief, my only anchor

I was never in control


Penned by my hand on the 1st of Scarlatan, in the year 738 AF.