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Public News Post #20506

Dear Jonesey

Written by: Your Highness Jonesey Corder, Advice Columnist
Date: Tuesday, August 27th, 2019
Addressed to: Everyone


For sure a weird edition of Dear Jonesey, but it does not phase me as many of you are weirdos. In fact the strange thing is that your letters are not MORE odd than they currently are.

On a side note, a very Merry Logomas to all my haters, I hope you find love this season.

Let us begin!

You read what is written on a silver-embossed letter:
Dear Jonesey,

My friend's daughter is really good looking, and I'd really like to
enjoy her company in a more private setting.

How do I know if she would be interested? How do I keep my friend from
getting angry for sleeping with her daughter?

She already knows I'm married, but I'm not sure if that would bother her
or not. Can you recommend a way for me to tell if she's into me? I read
on the poetry board that you're into butt stuff... How can I tell if she
is too?

Thanks for your expert knowledge and advice.

- Desiring Distraction



Dear Desiring Distraction,

There are many ways to seduce some new strange, some are more ethical than others. Many people are certain arrangements outside of their marriages in order to keep the relationship strong, especially if one of the parties is not as present for physical love.

In order to test her attraction to you I suggest dropping a pen in front of her, and as you bend down to pick it up look back to see if she is staring at your rear. If she is, that is a sign that she is expressing interest in you. As far as your friend, well the best option would be to impregnant their daughter that way you are the father of their grand baby. Typically having children ALWAYS fixes troubled relationships and this is another example where a baby would make everything right.

Butt stuff comes from a place of trust, so if she trusts you then she would consent to such an extracurricular activity. Remember, blood, swear and tears. If I had to give any over all advise, it would be to do whatever you want with no fear of consequences and deal with issues later. These are not today problems, so no need to worry about them today. You should do what feels right, always.

Love Jonesey


NEXT!!!!!



You read what is written on an elegant white letter:
Dearest Jonesey,

Did you know?

Some species of burrowing spiders keep teeny tiny frogs in their burrows
to keep it free of bugs too small for the spider to get that might try
to eat the spider's eggs.

This would infer that tiny frogs are spider cats.


Signed,

An Arachnologist.


Dear An Arachnologist,

I wish I did the type of drugs you do, I'm sure my life would be more interesting. I did not know that spiders have domesticated frogs, I wonder if spiders also domesticate grooks. I would love for you to conduct research on this and find out if that is the case.

I agree with your conclusion that tiny frogs are spider cats, however I would argue that since spider eggs do not make good omelettes, are spider frogs even needed?

Love Jonesey


NEXXXT


You read what is written on an elegant white letter:
Dear Jonesey,

Hundreds of mites are living on your face right now.

The tiny organisms have eight-legs and their closest relatives are
spiders.

They come out at night to mate. And when they reproduce it's on your
face.

That's right. There are probably mites getting more booty than you.

Signed,

Dino Mite


Dear Dino Mite,

Did you know that some species of burrowing spiders keep teeny tiny frogs in their burrows to keep it free of bugs too small for the spider to get that might try to eat the spider's eggs?

As far as the reproducutive habits of mites compared to my own, I've already reproduced 4 times since I started this post. 5 times. I don't worry about mites, because 6 times.

Nap time

Love Jonesey


Thank you all for your letters and don't forget to include at least 1 golden sovereign so I know you mean business.

Also don't hesitate to ask me, What Would Jonesey Do?

Penned by my hand on the 24th of Glacian, in the year 808 AF.


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Public News Post #20506

Dear Jonesey

Written by: Your Highness Jonesey Corder, Advice Columnist
Date: Tuesday, August 27th, 2019
Addressed to: Everyone


For sure a weird edition of Dear Jonesey, but it does not phase me as many of you are weirdos. In fact the strange thing is that your letters are not MORE odd than they currently are.

On a side note, a very Merry Logomas to all my haters, I hope you find love this season.

Let us begin!

You read what is written on a silver-embossed letter:
Dear Jonesey,

My friend's daughter is really good looking, and I'd really like to
enjoy her company in a more private setting.

How do I know if she would be interested? How do I keep my friend from
getting angry for sleeping with her daughter?

She already knows I'm married, but I'm not sure if that would bother her
or not. Can you recommend a way for me to tell if she's into me? I read
on the poetry board that you're into butt stuff... How can I tell if she
is too?

Thanks for your expert knowledge and advice.

- Desiring Distraction



Dear Desiring Distraction,

There are many ways to seduce some new strange, some are more ethical than others. Many people are certain arrangements outside of their marriages in order to keep the relationship strong, especially if one of the parties is not as present for physical love.

In order to test her attraction to you I suggest dropping a pen in front of her, and as you bend down to pick it up look back to see if she is staring at your rear. If she is, that is a sign that she is expressing interest in you. As far as your friend, well the best option would be to impregnant their daughter that way you are the father of their grand baby. Typically having children ALWAYS fixes troubled relationships and this is another example where a baby would make everything right.

Butt stuff comes from a place of trust, so if she trusts you then she would consent to such an extracurricular activity. Remember, blood, swear and tears. If I had to give any over all advise, it would be to do whatever you want with no fear of consequences and deal with issues later. These are not today problems, so no need to worry about them today. You should do what feels right, always.

Love Jonesey


NEXT!!!!!



You read what is written on an elegant white letter:
Dearest Jonesey,

Did you know?

Some species of burrowing spiders keep teeny tiny frogs in their burrows
to keep it free of bugs too small for the spider to get that might try
to eat the spider's eggs.

This would infer that tiny frogs are spider cats.


Signed,

An Arachnologist.


Dear An Arachnologist,

I wish I did the type of drugs you do, I'm sure my life would be more interesting. I did not know that spiders have domesticated frogs, I wonder if spiders also domesticate grooks. I would love for you to conduct research on this and find out if that is the case.

I agree with your conclusion that tiny frogs are spider cats, however I would argue that since spider eggs do not make good omelettes, are spider frogs even needed?

Love Jonesey


NEXXXT


You read what is written on an elegant white letter:
Dear Jonesey,

Hundreds of mites are living on your face right now.

The tiny organisms have eight-legs and their closest relatives are
spiders.

They come out at night to mate. And when they reproduce it's on your
face.

That's right. There are probably mites getting more booty than you.

Signed,

Dino Mite


Dear Dino Mite,

Did you know that some species of burrowing spiders keep teeny tiny frogs in their burrows to keep it free of bugs too small for the spider to get that might try to eat the spider's eggs?

As far as the reproducutive habits of mites compared to my own, I've already reproduced 4 times since I started this post. 5 times. I don't worry about mites, because 6 times.

Nap time

Love Jonesey


Thank you all for your letters and don't forget to include at least 1 golden sovereign so I know you mean business.

Also don't hesitate to ask me, What Would Jonesey Do?

Penned by my hand on the 24th of Glacian, in the year 808 AF.


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