Sapience,

I apologize in advance for the rambling that you are about to be subject to. I am prone already to such on a daily basis, and whenever I bring myself to these public boards, it only gets worse. Still. Let us begin.

When I first awoke from Loom, I looked at those around me in this world, young and old, and noticed something I had never encountered before! People with centuries of age upon them, still vital and strong, eager to progress in their chosen lives. And the number of Gods! Amazing! Faiths of all types and styles, for I had arrived in the city of Cyrene. Beauty, Crafting, Chaos, Darkness, Death, Oceans, Skies, the list went on and on. The world had Gods of all types, and they walked among mortals and proclaimed Themselves through Their Orders with blinding clarity.

Yet, I saw something else that amazed me. People could not only worship a Divine for years, but then, they could LEAVE THAT DIVINE and join another! This confused me, I admit, for I had always been taught that devotion was within, faith was within, and that nothing could change a person. But the drive for recognition is strong among mortals, and so, when one God slept, another's Order bulged!

I was groomed by my blood mother to be a Beloved. Love and Beauty, as the Lady Selene taught, as my blood mother taught. My siblings rejoiced in Her love too. Yet, soon after my twentieth birthday, I beheld a sermon, or a discussion turned sermon, by someone of eloquence and grace, and I listened enraptured as she proclaimed Her own faith.

She called herself a Mitran.

Amazing! It seemed there was a Goddess dedicated towards Creation, and Life. Towards the arts of Healing and Growth and it sprang naturally, it seemed to me, from the Sun! This was new and exciting to my young ears, and I eagerly delighted in learning more. So, one day the Mitran took it upon herself to take me to meet Pheolo, and at his welcoming smile in the lands of Hesperia, amazed by all I saw around me, I swore I would do this Goddess proud, I was invested. In the land of so many faiths, I had found my Faith.

Not long before my twenty second birthday, I knelt upon the stones of the alcove of Hesperia, broken by rumor of how the Goddess was lost, gone, perhaps never to be seen by my mortal eyes. But, as I ran my fingers slowly over the carving of the First Prime, I knew in my heart that this was where I was to be. So, into an Order, basically dead from within, I embraced my Faith with both hands, and took it upon myself to see Her faith never wavered or died for the eternity of my life. A moving story, some would say. To never know when one's Goddess willreturn, only to know She is out there, watching, observing, or sleeping. But to dedicate your life to a Divine, with no assurance ever that She would accept you when She returned, to embrace a faith without the teacher there to assist, only books, sermons and journals, and to learn how to follow Them without question? An easier task today, for some, then it was in my youth, I admit.

Yet, all stories come to a close. With the fall of Shallam, and the Dragon piercing my Goddess multiple times as She strove to protect Her city from ruination, She died. Her essence dispersed, Her fires laid low. For the next years upon years, I wandered, the fires dead from my heart, the words a drone in my mouth as I read in rote the context of Her teachings.

The First Prime is simple. It states the essence of Growth in a single sentence: Thou Shall Always Seek to Grow. To follow Her prime directive, I must now do the one thing that for four hundred long years I never imagined, through the suffering, the isolation, the degradation, I had one thing to hold onto, and was proud of my devotion.

I, Milabar Si'Talvace, Knight of Mithraea, hereby do renounce all ties, faith, and devotion to the dead Goddess Mithraea.

I, Milabar Si'Talvace, of my own free will, hereby do renounce all ties of Knighthood, granted by the three Houses of lore, and all benefits and titles.

I, Milabar Si'Talvace, by my own hand, do proclaim my renouncement of the devotional and Paladinic arts, for they were granted to me by Her grace. With these renouncements goes all oaths and vows sworn under Her name, from the oaths of my youth to the city of Cyrene and Hashan, to the days of my middle aged biding of my soul to the Te'Serran Alliance on vow of death.

I no longer will bind myself to oaths of old, to muddle along through my life bound by chains that only I respect or understand. I will no longer be bound oath to oath, constantly being tied into a situation upon which my only choice is to be away and do nothing. No longer will I allow any oath to bind me as my faith in Her did in the beginning of my life. I will no longer blindly follow, simply because I am told it is expected for someone like me.

Truth is universal for all. It is the pure knowing of what can only be described, indeed, as True that makes any sense in a world upon which oaths hold no meaning beyond the lip service it gives, and true knowledge only being delivered to a congregation already given to what is being taught. While what others believe will be their personal Truth, I respectfully believe four hundred years of service is worthy of my Goddess, dispersed or not!

My ramblings, fortunately for anyone reading this, come to a close. Call it vanity, call it arrogance, call it stupidity. I do not care, nor does it matter. For, in the reality of Creation, none of us care one way or another and apathy and ignorance is all that will come as the years roll on over and over unless we accept a basic Truth of Creation itself, and embrace it.

Thou Shall Always Seek to Grow.

~Milabar Si'Talvace

Penned by my hand on the 17th of Sarapin, in the year 783 AF.