And once again here we are with this months latest installment of Dear Jonesey. Remember if you want to be considered to include a golden sovereign. If you like my advice, write me a letter. If you hate my advice, write me a letter. If you want to ask me for advise, write me a letter. With your letters we make magic together.


NEXT!!!


You read what is written on an elegant white letter:
Dear Jonesey

I know who A. fan is and am keen to show them how to do blackmail. I know everything they like, what they don't like and more importantly what they do like, but shouldn't like. Even better, I know what they did last century. And the one before, and the one before that. And the one before that.

I also know they are very rich and have some very nice assets, so I know what I want to demand and it's not their first born, gods no.

I have confronted them numerous times over the past few centuries on all of their things and they are never embarrassed.

This means that I can't blackmail them or expose them, other than publicly out them for being A. fan, which wouldn't embarrass them or reward me, so unless you want to give me a finder's fee for telling you so that you can tutor them one on one, what would Jonesey do?

Sincerely

Miss D. Meaner


Dear Miss D. Meaner,

If I didn't know any better I would think you were trying to blackmail me. If you were to blackmail someone who is like me, I suggest you learn from Syndra. Her tactics were simple, out right lie. Blackmail isn't for everyone and sometimes it is just easier to tell a complete lie that can't be proved because more likely than not, it can also not be disproved, but you did not ask me what would Syndra do, you asked What Would Jonesey Do.

What you need to do is simple actually, you need to go after their friends or family. Go after a similar blackmail approach and target their loved ones. Threaten to expose their loved ones unless your original target cooperates with your demands. If you need a guide on blackmail please refer to my previous posts.



NEXT!!!!!!!



You read what is written on a silver-embossed letter:
Dear Jonesey,

How can I make quick coin by winning friends and influencing people?

Signed,

Ratting-is-boring


Dear Ratting-is-boring,

Sounds like you have an interest in doing something strange for some change. This is a great way to be use creativity as an outlet, while generating income. You should sell physical love, this will make you coin, make a new friend and if your friend is married, you blackmail them to influence them. Three moves in one shot while gaining pleasure for yourself. Yum.

Another alternative is to make food. It is a well known fact that everyones poops and you cant poop if you don't eat. By selling delicous food items that are exotic and outside the box you can make new friends, influence what is trending and popular and for your efforts obtain coin.

With regards to making coin, its great to find something you love and be successful at it. You WILL make coin as a side effect of doing a good job. The best advise I can give you is to do a good job at something you love and everything else will follow.



NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



You read what is written on an elegant white letter:
Dear Jonesey, how do i pun my way to success. How would I pun my way to the top.

Sincerely,

the punniest guy around.

nd.

Dear the funniest guy around.,

A bad joke is a punderful thing to share. This is a rare opportunity for you to do your worst. The worse your puns are, the better your puns are. If you pun your way to the bottom, you will also find your way on the top. Puns are funs, even if you are a mhun.

Your success with puns will lead to people leaving the room, staring at you in silence, making noises of disgust and flat out ignoring you. It is important to remember that this is a sign of your success not failure. The more people you alienate, the closer to the top you are. Then one day you are all alone telling others what to do with their lives and voila, you've made it to the top. You are the Baron of Pun Valley.





Thanks for all your letters, without you the people we would have no entertainment or the laughter of children.


I leave you with this:


What do you get when you cross a pun with a rhetorical question?












Penned by my hand on the 24th of Lupar, in the year 790 AF.